More improvements

Dad may be moved to a regular room today or tomorrow. He's still in the MICU, but is continuing to improve, so this is encouraging news. Because of school, I haven't seen dad since Monday, but I'm hoping to drop in tomorrow afternoon.

My Nanny job fell through. I hate to admit this bc I'm embarassed for getting my hopes up about it, but the mom called me back (FINALLY) the other day and said that her older son (almost 3) has been acting out, lately, and she thinks she's going to put him in a daycare so he can play with children his age. I wondered about the 4 month old girl, but didn't ask or push it. The whole reason the mom asked me was bc they're current Nanny moved and doesn't have a car... so who's going to pick up the 3 yr old from daycare? Who's caring for the 4 month old? Ugh... I was really counting on this job... now I have to find another one... grr Why won't anything go my way???


Ok, I'm done.

ICU Stay is going ok

Dad is improving slightly. His heartrate is still really high, but his blood pressure is very low. I'm worried about it, but he and mom don't seem to be. He will be in ICU for a few more days, and he will definatley, maybe, be going to a rehabilitation center after this. I sure hope so... he really needs it.

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep... blah

A good day

I spent the day with Travis. We pretty much just worked on getting things prepared at the house for when dad comes home. We got a soft toilet seat and a double shower head for dad's shower. Travis installed them for us, and even pressure washed our back porch.

We went to visit Dad, as well. It wasn't the best time to be there... I'd rather not say why, but Travis and I immediately left haha.

Though there is good news:

Dad is improving! The antibiotics are working and his cognition is getting better. He is, however, still weak. He's, more than likely, going to be in the ICU for a few more days before going to a rehabilitation center to help get his strength back, which he couldn't be happier about. Dad says he's willing to do anything to get stronger.

Prayers are needed, still. Mom is still scared, and I am still worried, but this latest crisis is beginning to get better.


I'm exhausted, and am about to fall asleep... so goodnight all

He's Improving!

Mom just got home from the hospital and she said that Dad is improving! When she left, he wasn't nearly as confused... I'm so glad :)

Update on Daddy

This morning... well at around 11:30am EST, mom and I decided to take Dad to the ER. After one hour, we finally got dad from his bed upstairs to the car. ONE HOUR! We got to the ER and Dad was seen right away because of his severe heart and lung problems. Fast forward 4 hours... Dad has been moved to the ICU of the ER. His blood pressure is dangerously low, while his heart rate is incredibly high. He is dehydrated because of stomach problems and is confused about everything. He also has a fever... well, he had one as of 4:30pm EST, it may have gone down now that he was given a Tylenol. The doctors think he has an infection that may be becoming septic, so we are all very worried.

Though the good thing is that Dad is STILL cracking jokes! We couldn't stop laughing while in the ER... he just kept saying random things that made no sense and mom and I couldn't keep from laughing... even the nurses were cracking up! I swear, if we didn't laugh, we'd be dead by now...

Ok, that's all I know, I'll update when I know more later.

Dad is worse off than we thought. His blood pressure is very low but his heart rate is very high. They moved him to an ICU version of the ER.

This is a mobile update because Dad is at the ER. He will be here overnight. I'll update when I get home. Continue prayers.

Rough Afternoon

We had a very rough afternoon. I'm not going into details, but I will say that dad is extremely constipated, and we tried to help him for over three hours. I had to physically lift him from point a to point b more than a few times... He was so pitiful :( He gets this look in his eyes when I'm trying to lift him up... it's a look of helplessness. His mind wants him to be able to do it himself, but his body won't let him. Yeah, mom and I had a few cheap laughs, and dad cracked jokes every now and then, but it was still a very rough afternoon :(

Mom is struggling. I'm becoming worried about her... more so than before. I said this yesterday, at the end of my very long post, so I'll say it now at the end of a short post, for those who didn't get through yesterday's entry - While you are praying for my dad... throw in a prayer for my mom. She's wearing down. She's scared, and sad, and right now she feels very alone. Pray for God to carry her through this.

Those who know me know I'm not exactly the most religious person... I believe in God, but I don't pray like I should..... well, I've been praying almost every single day, and I'm putting my whole self in His hands. I just want my dad to be better, and I want my mom to be strong... I want my mom to be ok...

About the North Myrtle Beach, SC wildfire

The wildfire in N. Myrtle is a lovely 12 miles south of our house at Ocean Isle Beach... here's hoping it doesn't spread that far, and here's hoping fire fighters can get it contained... my thoughts and prayers are with the victims of these fires so far, as well as the ones that are sure to come...

News articles related:
One from a station based in Wilmington: http://www.wwaytv3.com/node/15258

And one from here in Charlotte: http://www.wcnc.com/news/topstories/...101c8c4f6.html

I'll post more as I find out.

I love my man (and other ramblings)

After a rough week, I finally got to see my sweetie tonight! I went over after class and he had a pizza from Portafino's waiting for me :) I LOVE PORTAFINO'S!!!!!!!!! He and I ate and we discovered that Aladdin was on ABC Family haha... so yes, we watched that movie. It was nice to just be with Travis for a couple of hours. He made me laugh, as usual, and I was able to just be happy.

Daddy had an ok day today.

*don't read the next paragraph if you are squeamish*

The last few weeks, when I drained Dad's lung, the fluid looked kind of like grapefruit juice or apple juice... but today it looked more like cranberry juice... there was noticeably more blood in there. Mom called his Doc, but he had no idea.

Dad continues to speak gibberish at times, and says one thing when he means another (example: yesterday, he asked mom for a pimento (sp) cheese sandwich on crackers. When mom repeated it back, "a sandwich on crackers?" Dad got an attitude and said, "no, ON BREAD") It sucks that his mind is acting up, but mom and I can't help but laugh when he says things like that... of course, after we laugh, we look at each other and convey our concern with our eyes.

Daddy wants to get his strength back so badly, but we found out, today, that none of the physical therapists make house calls... So mom and I would have to take 30 minutes to get dad in the car, drive him to therapy, take 20 minutes to get him to his session, spend 30-45 mins at PT, 20 mins to get him to the car, and another 10 minutes to get him out of the car and into the kitchen... So just over two hours a day, three days a week. WE CAN'T DO THAT! WE CAN'T FRIGGIN DO THAT! Especially if I start working... I'll be working 8:00am til 5:30 pm Monday-Friday... How could I help if I'm not home???

I need this job too... I'm tired of relying on my parents for money... hell, I get a monthly allowance that barely covers my car payments! I never got a check for April, and I'm not going to ask. I have money in my savings account, so I'll just transfer some to checking to cover my payment for May. I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL MY OWN MONEY... Dad and Mom can't cover my bills forever...

I'm 25, and I'm just now becoming concerned with my own finances... lovely. I've had a habit of spending frivilously (sp?), but it's only been in the last few months that I've really begun to take note of what I spend my money on.

God, I hope this Nanny thing happens... I've tried to call the family twice, but no one answered the phone, and no one has returned my calls. I need to know if they want to hire me or not, so I can go to my church and see if I can get a job there... GAH! WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?

You know, it's amazing that I've even called them ONCE, bc of my slight phone phobia. YES, I am admitting it... I tend to be afraid to call people... especially if it's "out of the blue"... I've been known to get into fights when someone wants me to ORDER PIZZA! WTF?!?!?! I know why I am this way, though, and I've been working very hard to get over it. Though, one thing I do is if I'm going to call someone, I have to be by myself... even if I just walk into the next room... even if the people I'm with can still hear me, I just can't call someone when there are other people in the room with me.

Ok, I apologize for that rant haha, back to the job thing:
Tomorrow, I plan on calling the family's house, and both cell phones of the parents, as well as text the mom (since she and I have texted each other a lot in the past). By the end of this weekend, I WILL know where I stand with this!

Travis and I are going to go visit his grandmother (94 years old), who is in a nursing home in Chester. She isn't doing well, and I haven't seen her in at least a month and a half.. maybe two months... maybe even more, but she is beginning to wind down, so we want to visit her again. His mom is very tired, though her two sisters take turns spending time with Grandma Bessie (who is almost EXACTLY like Nonnie! Only Bessie is in a wheelchair, can't hear, and talks gibberish all the time... but she still lets out a good ole, "I'm gonna whoop your ass!" every now and then... ahh, just like Nonnie!).

So while you're praying for my dad and my mom (especially my mom, she is having an VERY hard time with this), please pray for Bessie and Travis' mom, Peggy, as well as her sisters. I hate it for them, but at this point, they are just waiting... and it sucks, but it's true :(



wow, that was a lot longer than I anticipated! If you read it all, thank you! I've run out of things to say, so I'm gonna go on to bed.

Here's what I know

I know that dad isn't going to be admitted to the hospital. I know he's exhausted after his busy morning. That's all I know. Mom and Nonnie are at their eye doctor appt, so I'll find out more when they are home.

We did woodworking in my Creative Activities class today... I GOT TO HAMMER NAILS! (wow I'm so easily amused)... but it was really nice to be able to get some of my frustration out. Oh, and to those of you who make fun of my blondness, I did NOT hammer my fingers AT ALL! SO THERE! :-P

My Wednesdays and Thursdays are so friggin busy... I'll be glad when school is over and I FINALLY get out! Only a couple more weeks.............

I went to the Preschool Arts Lab at the Community School of the Arts yesterday to volunteer. It was so much fun! I hadn't worked in a preschool class setting since I was in early high school, so it was a blast to watch the three year olds manipulate items and create interesting works of art! I took a bunch of pictures, and will post those up when I get a chance :)

I plan on visiting again soon... It was just too fun! :)

Ok, I need to get some work done. I'll post more about dad when I talk to mom!

NO HOSPITAL STAY FOR DADDY! I don't know the details, but they are on their way home now :)

ahh, nothing beats girlfriend therapy!

I had my monthly dinner with my two best girls tonight! Courtney, Emily, and I hit up Hawthorne's Pizza (or was it Brooklyn Pizza? COURTNEY YOU SCREWED ME UP!) and laughed and talked and cried and hugged. It was just what I needed, and I can't wait til our next dinner! Though, we will probably get together sometime in between :)

Dad is getting worse

He is so weak. He can't even walk without support. He has a CT scan tomorrow morning, then an appt with his Surgeon after that. The doctor thinks he may be hospitalized. I'm just so worried... and you would know that the busy day of Dr appointments would happen on one of my busiest days of the week... mom and nonnie have eye doc appts at Lake Wylie (sp)... so one of Dad's good friends is going to sit with him after his appt with the surgeon while mom goes to get nonnie and head down to their appt. And all the while, I'm gonna be in class... ARGH!

Why the hell is this happening??? Though, someone told me, today, that we need to not be so sad... had daddy not gotten the Radiation treatment 30+ years ago, he wouldn't be around today... and I wouldn't have them as parents! I would still be in existance, I would just be with a different family...

I am right back to needing Travis, but he's working and I'm busy with school and... ARGH! I NEED MY BOYFRIEND... I may just have to go by his house tomorrow or Thursday night and get a hug from him... I need one of his hugs more than anything else...

Ok, I'm rambling now... I'll update again when I know something...

Difficult Day, yesterday

Dad had a rough day yesterday. He wasn't speaking clearly, he could hear well, he could barely walk, and he had almost no memory. He didn't even remember eating breakfast!!! Mom and I were very worried last night. He was having a very hard time waking up... we had to practically DRAG him downstairs, and it took almost 10 minutes to move Dad down. He fell once (onto his bed, luckily), and is almost afraid to walk around, though he's sticking with it.

We gave him the day off from draining. Mom and I decided he was too weak and we didn't drain his lung.

I did find out that he forgot to take his morning meds yesterday, so I'm attributing his "bad day" to not having his meds.

He's doing much much better today. He is still struggling to walk, and it now takes 15 minutes to get from the den to his bed, upstairs. Either my mom or I have to be behind him when he goes up the steps, and I always brace myself in case he falls. He has fallen twice coming DOWN the stairs, and he landed on his butt both times.

He STILL has a small sense of humor... it's going away very fast, though. He's just so tired and he can't breathe, and mom and I are so scared.

Another bit of good news is that his appatite is returning!!!!! The new medicine he was given is working :) He's eating more, which is AWESOME!

Travis has been amazing. I told him about Dad's behavior yesterday, and Trav said, "well, is he drunk?" (cause that's what dad acted like)... Trav then told me that his dad had a moment like this when he was sick, and the Docs thought it was low levels of electrolytes, so I went and got dad some gatorade... it seemed to help a little.

On a lighter note, school is almost over! I'm way happy about that :)

ok, that's all for now.

Daddy Update

This is an e-mail my mom sent out to our family and friends today. I thought I'd share it with ya'll.

I guess I am past due for an update...We were lucky enough to spend Easter weekend at the beach. The ride was rough on Robert and he stayed in bed most of the time. He tried going out on the deck but became chilly even though it was a beautiful sunny day. At least once he got into the house, he didn't have to go up and down the stairs like at home.

The day we left for the beach we saw RP's surgeon. He basically said,"I've done all I can do for you." He prescribed megace, a Rx given to chemo patients to increase the appetite. His weight has dropped to 137 fully dressed. Since we have not seen the ocean in 6 months, we immediately left for the beach with Mother, Jessica, Travis, 2 dogs, and 2 cats. ( What a zoo!) I could not have done this without the help of Jessica and her boyfriend. It was hard on RP but, I think the change in scenery was good for all of us.

We returned on Sunday to ready for his Monday appointment with the new pulmonologist, Scott Linblom. We greeted him as the "the miracle worker", putting fun-loving pressure on him for answers. In the end he said that we could only work on one of the many issues at a time. First we get him stronger with nutrition, physical therapy, and pulmonary rehab. He is to eat 5 small meals a day with as much protein as possible. We are to forget about cholesterol and fats and sock it to him. (If you have ideas, recipes, or suggestions, they are welcomed...rich in protein...meat, eggs, cheese, etc.) Dr. Lindblom will evaluate all of RP's records, tests, and notes from other drs.while we do our homework of therapy, nutrition, and draining of his right lung...(yes that is still going on and has become very painful...wiping him out for about an hour afterwards.) We meet with Dr. Linblom in May to reevaluate Robert's condition and decide if further surgeries are needed and get the plan of attack.

I have been so remiss in my thank you notes; for this I am very sorry. As many of you know Robert has a sooooo many friends that love him and have been looking after us. We couldn't have made it through this ordeal without you. From food, flowers, cards, phone calls of encouragement, prayers, and emails...these have kept us strong. You have made a difference in our lives. I really don't like email thank yous but right now it will have to do. Please know that we are extremely grateful to have you for friends, neighbors, and family.

Leigh

Why I love my man

I LOVE Travis!!! I can't get enough of him... whether it be painting his house, watching TV, running around with his niece and nephew, or simply being in each others' presence, I just adore who he is! I've seen other blogs with lists of the 10 things I love about my significant other, so I'm gonna bust one out... though it will probably be more than 10 :)


Things I love about Travis:
- his smile
- his eyes
- his arms
- his heart
- his mind
- the way he messes with me - usually involves tickle fights
- the way he kisses me
- the way he holds me... I feel so safe when I'm laying in his arms
- his compassion... he may not think he is, nor will he admit it, but he shows me he loves me by taking care of me and my family
- his laugh
- his jokes
- the way he is always there for me
- the way he loves me... after our terrible experience at the very start of our relationship, he was there for me. He was there when I broke down, crying. He was always making sure I was ok. He told me, "you and I are going to get through this TOGETHER", and it was in that moment that I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
- he quit drinking... HE QUIT DRINKING! I had a talk with him almost a year ago about how I wanted him to slow down his drinking, but he stopped altogether. I asked him why he gave it up, that I didn't mind him drinking, just in moderation... his response, "it's either all, or nothing, and I choose nothing." The simple fact that he stopped made me feel so good (and bad) at the same time... to know he was willing to change for me made my heart burst.
- HE GETS ALONG WITH MY GRANDMOTHER! Yep, he gets along with Nonnie! That is a miracle in itself haha Nonnie doesn't like anybody, but she ADORES Travis!
- He has helped my family in more ways than we deserved... Dad is unable to do anything, mom can't lift much, and I'm a weakling... so Travis will come and help us get things done... even when we don't ask him to! EXAMPLE: Twice, now, Travis has taken off a day of work to drive my grandmother to her Doctor's appts... WHO WOULD DO THAT? My sexy, sweet, handsome man, that's who!

He is my life. He is my heart and soul, and I'm so very lucky to have him. Sometimes he does little things for me that make me happy... He has my heart...

I have way more that I love about my man, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment :) So the list is to be continued!

So... a nurse?

So, I've sort of taken on the role of the nurse of my house. When daddy had to be on IV meds back in November, I was the one who administered (sp) his meds into his pick line. It was routine, almost. I would clean the line, insert the IV connector, disconnect it when he was finished, cleaned the line, and bandage him back up.

Throughout that time, mom would say I should have been a nurse. I even began to say that I went into "nurse mode" whenever it was time to do his IV.

So now that Daddy has to be drained everyday, I'm back to being a nurse, and mom is still saying I should have been a nurse. I guess it would make sense, because I love helping others. I think I would be able to get over the whole taking blood or giving shots thing, but I've already invested so much time in working with children, so I don't know if I could actually take the time to become a nurse.

I mean, I know I'm smart, and I am extremely compassionate towards others, but there's a part of me that doesn't think I could do it... Oh I don't know... I do like the thought of being an actual nurse, not just "playing" one to help Dad... Hell, I busted out my nursing "skills" in my Music and Movement class when one of my classmates fell and hurt herself... I stayed super calm and was able to clean her up and even bandage her (yeah I had leftover gauze packets from when I got my wisdom teeth out a month and a half ago)!

Who knows. Maybe one day I will gain the confidence to go to nursing school, but for now I'll settle for helping Dad with his medical needs.

I just wanted to get that out.

Beach Trip

Mom, Dad, Nonnie, and Annie (one of our cats) drove down to our beach house at Ocean Isle Beach Wednesday afternoon. Travis, his german shepard (Sasha), my dog (Willie), my other cat (Scamper, my babygirl), and I drove down at 10:00pm (EST) on Tursday night. Yeah, we got there at about 2am.

It was interesting, driving down there with two dogs and a cat. Willie is a man-diva and hogs the front seat, so he sat/stood/laid down there. Scamper freaked out and ran all over the car. Sasha is an AWESOME travel buddy and just chilled in the back seat. I was driving, so my poor Travis had to deal with Scamper's claws. He tried to sleep, but it was late at night, and I hate driving in the dark, so every now and then I would get nervous and tap the breaks, which made Scamper dig in to whatever she was holding on to... which happened to be my sweetie's leg *looks up innocently* By the time we reached the house, I was exhausted. I had barely enough energy to climb upstairs, put sheets on my bed, and fall asleep.

Friday, Travis and I attempted to go down to the beach. It was warm, but very windy. Since it's before Memorial Day, we were allowed to take Sasha down. She got way too excited when she saw the other dogs (about 10 or so within our eye sight). I tried to lay out and get some sun, and I did succeed, but bc of the wind, it was just chilly! We were out there for about 45 minutes before I had to go back inside.

We wanted to take the golf cart out, but the batteries were dead and the charger wasn't working, so the guy we bought it from came over and towed it to his shop to try and fix it.

Yesterday, Travis and I went into Calabash to pick up some things for my parents. My sweetie bought me a pink cowboy hat with pieces of shells on it :) After we shopped, we drove around for a bit before heading home. Trav cooked steaks for us for dinner.

Right after we ate, the golf cart guy came back to drop off our cart. It had 3/4 battery charge, so T and I decided to go for a ride in it. We got to the other side of the main road (about a mile and a half from the house) when the lights began to flicker........... yeah, the golf cart battery was dying. We managed to get it within a mile before the battery completely gave out. So we called mom who drove my car down, but forgot the damn rope. So Travis tried to drive it a little more while mom and I followed behind with the hazard lights flashing. He got it to a few blocks from the house, so I got out of the car and steered while he pushed the cart... We made it one block before I heard him panting like crazy, so I jumped out and helped push the rest of the way.

We got back in and he took a shower while I layed down... I'm not exactly a small girl, nor am I in shape, so pushing a golf cart a couple of blocks wore me out!

That incident was the most "exciting" thing that happened the whole time haha.

We came home today, though I didn't want to. I can't tell ya'll how much I love being with Travis. He makes me so happy! It's amazing how much I love him... The night we got to the house, I slept in my room and he stayed in the room he normally stays in, but the second two nights I spent in his arms... or beside him, poking him in the ribs to stop the snoring (haha).

I'll be honest here - I have absolutely NO IDEA what he sees in me. I look in the mirror and I see... well, I see an unattractive, overweight, scarred girl. (Although I have NO new sores! My body is healing up again... let's see if I can keep from picking at my skin...) I mean, I know I have a great, caring and compassionate personality. I think I'm funny... though the best word is probably "punny" bc I crack very stupid jokes. I think I have a great smile and pretty eyes... and when I love someone, I love with every ounce of my soul... Maybe that's what he sees... maybe he sees my soul, my heart... but WHY? Why me? Why am I deserving of his love? This is gonna bug me, so I'm gonna stop haha.

I think I have more to say, but I can't think of anything, so I'll just leave it at that. I didn't mean for this entry to be so long, so if you read it all, you are AWESOME!

Beachin it! (and an update on daddy)

Mom, Dad, Nonnie, and one of my cats headed to the beach yesterday. Travis, his german shepard, my dog, and my other cat are going tonight after my class.

This is gonna be interesting... the house will literally be like a zoo!!! My cat, Scamper, and trav's dog, Sasha, never get along, so I'm planning on putting my Scampie-girl in a cat crate on the floor of the front passenger seat of my car, where my dog, Willie, will be seated (he's a drama king and will kick anyone out of the front seat... poor Travis will be in the back, unless he drives some) so she and Sasha can't see each other, otherwise mayhem will ensue!


We are glad to have daddy at the beach house bc my parent's room is on the same floor as the den, so dad doesn't have to go up and down stairs. We're hoping this trip will help dad get strength back.

Dad had an appt with his surgean (sp) yesterday. His doctor said that this will probably be as good as it's going to get... Dad is weak. He can't do anything anymore. He can barely walk from our den to the kitchen, which is all of 5 feet from one point to the other. It takes him about five minutes to get up to his room, and you know how long it takes a normal person to walk up 14 steps - a few seconds. Mom or I have to stay home with him at all times, which means we can't go out and do our mother-daughter activities, like getting our nails done or having lunch. Mom and I wanted to get mani-pedis before our beach trip, but we couldn't bc Travis was working and couldn't keep dad company while we went out.

Dad's in pain. It takes a while to drain his lung bc sometimes it hurts him too badly.

Travis has been my rock. He saw his own father go through a downward spiral, so he knows exactly how I am feeling. He talks to me about it, but there is one thing that I get most upset about that I can't tell him about, bc I don't want him to feel pressured... My fear is that Daddy will never be able to walk me down the isle. I'm tearing up just saying this.

I talked to my mom about it Tuesday night, and told her that in the back of my mind, I'm already figuiring out who a backup would be (my uncle)... I'M LOOKING TO SEE WHO WOULD GIVE ME AWAY BC I'M AFRAID THAT DAD WON'T BE ABLE TO! What kind of daughter am I??? I'm terrified. I'm sad.

I want to marry Travis for so many reasons... First and foremost - I am head over heels, madly in love with him... He's everything I have ever wanted in a man, and I can't imagine my life without him... The second reason is that I'm sacred that Daddy won't be alive to give me away (here come the tears), but I don't want Travis to feel any pressure to propose... so of course I can't tell him that.

Anyway, I wanted to tell ya'll that I may or may not be around from tonight through Sunday... I'm taking my laptop, which has wireless internet access, but I don't know if I'll get a signal while at our beach house, so we'll see.

I'm sorry this was so long, I didn't mean for it to be. I need to go get ready to leave... We're taking off at 9pm EST tonight, so we won't get there til like, 1am. So we'll see what happens...

Mattie's Party!

Travis and I went to his niece's 4th birthday party on Saturday and it was so much fun! There was a petting zoo and a pony ride. Mattie was adorable and had a blast. Here are some pictures.

Ok, I'm having a VERY HARD TIME resizing these... I'll work on it some more later...


Mattie feeding a baby pig:


Close-up of Mattie feeding the pig:


Raily (Trav's cousin's daughter) riding the pony:


Mattie's older brother, Tristan, riding the pony:


Another one of Tristan:


Raily and her younger brother, Carter, riding around:


Mattie's mom (Trav's SIL), Kelly:


Mattie getting ready to blow out the candles:


Mattie's cake:


Trav's mom and older brother, Toby (Mattie and Tristan's dad)... sorry it's out of focus!:


BEAUTIFUL MATTIE!



I have many pics of the animals, but I'm not gonna post those unless someone wants me to!

2 years together!

Two years ago, on April 5th, Travis and I became a couple I know I know, it's silly to mark this when we aren't married, but darn it, I'm just so happy to have him in my life!!!

It certainly hasn't been easy... we had a huge HUGE obsticle (sp?) two months into our relationship, but we turned that into an opportunity and grew to be the strongest couple we have ever known. The love we have for one another is infinate... which is why we say, "I love you to the edge of the 'verse and back" bc 'to the moon and back' just wasn't far enough.

I'm so so so happy to have him. Travis is my rock and has been my support during my dad's illness... and he knows what I'm going through bc he lost his father about four years ago to, I think, Chrone's disease. His dad was in and out of the hospital, and left Trav with many regrets, so my sweetie is helping me to cherish every moment I have with my dad, and even when I have my breakdowns, he's there with a tissue and a hug.

It's so funny to think that we met at hotornot.com... I still laugh whenever we talk about that!!! It all began with him sending me a message saying he liked my smile, and it all went from there!

HAPPY ANNIVERSERY TO ME AND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!

Time to try again!

I'm gonna do my best to keep up a blog. I just have a lot inside me that I want to get out, and I don't write in journals, so why not do a blog.

Daddy had a rough day today. He didn't take his percocet 30 mins before I drained his lung, so he was in a lot of pain afterward. At one point, he was up to about 300 mL of fluid and said he was beginning to feel it, which prompted me to close off the draining tube. He then told me to keep going, and even though my gut told me to stop, I went ahead and opened the line back up. He got to 370 mL before it became unbearable. I actually had to half-carry him to the recliner that our friends gave us, and help him lay back. I covered him up with a good sized blanket and got him some water.

I had to leave for school right after that, and when I got home from my night class, mom told me that dad had been in a huge amount of pain all evening. She also told me he nearly vomited at one point.

I'm so sad that he's going through all of this shit, but I'm amazed at how far he has come.

I've never been one to pray out loud, but lately I have begun to. I usually do it in my car. I turn my CD player off and just start talking to God. I'm not exactly a religious person, so to speak, but I do believe in God and I do believe that one's relationship with Him should be a personal and private thing.

I'm not going to go on about my religious beliefs and thoughts, I just wanted to say that I'm praying more. I try not to pray for myself until last, and I'm usually in tears after I pray for my Dad and Mom.

I've also found myself praying for my grandmother, Travis' grandmother (his mom's mom), Mrs. Phifer and her sisters (Trav's mom and aunts), and my friends.

An amazing thing has happened to me, though! Over the last week, I have felt no desire to take more of my meds. Meaning, I'm prescribed one wellbutrin and one Daytrana patch per day, and that's exactly what I'm taking/wearing. My ADD is slowly getting under my control!!!!! I'm not there yet, but my mind is clearing up, and so is my skin!

Yep, I only have 3 or 4 open sores on me! The last time my skin was completely sore-free was just over two years ago! I know I can do it again, and I will. Oh, but don't expect me to go out on the beach in a bathing suit... I refuse to do that unless my Travis is with me.

I'm amazed at how he loves me. He loves me even with a body covered in scars and some sores. He loves me even though I'm a bit overweight, and even when I have a meltdown... he's always there for me, and he has no idea how much I love him. I look into his eyes and my stomach flips while my heart skips a beat... He's the love of my life, and I don't know what I'd do without him!

I do have a bit more to say, but I'm really tired, so I'm gonna go to bed. I'll post more tomorrow, I hope!