UP

Travis and I went to see "UP" last night! It was so funny :) We definately laughed and are glad we saw it.

Today, he is going to help us plant some of the flowers we received from family and friends, as well as go through some old paint cans we found last weekend, so we can get them to the dump.

Mom is going to the beach tomorrow. I'm gonna go down on Wednesday and bring Travis.

I've lost a great deal of weight! I'm down about 10 pounds and can wear more of my jeans now! I think part of it is that I've cut my meal portions in half. Yeah, I get hungry, and when that happens, I either drink some milk or have a banana or something. I've also started walking/running more (and those of you who know me know that I'm not a runner, like I was in Hish School). My workout pants, however, are falling off of me... it's funny, I have to hold them up with one hand while I jog!

I had my monthly dinner with Emily and Courtney on Tuesday night. I always love it when we go out to eat :) My girls are my lifeline (besides Travis, of course) and I would be miserable without them!!! (and that includes you, too Miss Kendal! :) )

Ok, I'm off to get some stuff done. :)

saw Daddy

I went to the church, this afternoon, to preview Dad's plaque. While I was there, I deccided to walk down to the columnbarium (sp?) to see dad. It was weird... I've never talked to a wall before, but it did feel good to talk to him.

I know, I know, that isn't Dad, it's just his cremated body, but I take comfort in having something to talk to... it made me sad, but I have decided to make it a weekly occurance. I just talked to the wall, telling him about what's been going on, and how we still can't find his will or obituary or funeral arangements. I kissed my hand and placed it on his niche, so I gave him a kiss.

In other news: I need prayers for Trav's grandmother. She is 94 and in extremely poor health. Trav and I are gonna go down to visit sometime this week, bc we don't think she has too much longer :(

Well, that's all for now

blah

I'm struggling. I mean, I'm trying to get through each day, but it seems like the tears are beginning to come more often.

Travis is still staying here most days, and yeah, he's amazing. He just wants to see me smile, and will do almost anything to achieve that.

We saw Glenda yesterday (Daddy's sister). She's doing really well. I was surprised. Just like mom and I, she still can't believe he's gone, but said it will take time... which was a wonderful thing to hear her say.

We've been cleaning out the garage and took some stuff to the dump today. We plan on donating some of Dad's clothes to a crisis center for those who need them, but can't afford them.


I don't really have much else to say. I'm still going through the motions, though I'd rather be curled up in bed... *sigh* Sleep isn't coming easy either... It'll take some time, I know.

Our day, today

By "today" I mean May 18... I know it's after 3:30am, but it's a sleepless night for me, so far... blah...

I'm doing ok. I break down every now and then. Comes with the territory, I suppose... it'll happen, and I don't like this, but dammit, I miss my Dad so much! I just can't believe he's gone... and mom is making my heart ache for her... she is so sad... she said to me, "I lost my husband and my best friend, and I am so heart broken." I wish I could take her pain away... I wish I could bring Daddy back... He loved her so much, and she still loves him...

Those of you who know me know I'm a sucker for love... I believe in fate and I love LOVE. I just can't imagine how it feels to lose a man you have been with for over 35 years (they were married for almost 35 years, and were together before that, I'm not sure how much longer, but you get the picture). I mean, mom is a WIDOW! Ugh... my heart is hurting, so badly, for her. Yes, I lost my Daddy, and that hurts, but to lose the man you love... your soul mate, the love of your life... God, I just can't even imagine... (and yes, I'm crying now)

Anyway, we can't find Dad's Will... which SUCKS, but we have copies of it, so we're gonna see a judge about it.

I think we're gonna go to the beach house next week... now that tourist season is hitting, I'll have a better chance of getting a wireless connection... I swear, off-season SUCKS bc wifi is almost non-existant!

We got our necklaces today (mom and I) that have sprinkles of dad's ashes in them... it is a good length, bc the charm rests on top of my heart... perfect.

It was still a long day. Mom was sad, and I was sad... but then my Emmers came over and we went for a walk/run (since I'm still a bit overweight, mine was more of a shuffle, lol... though I did end up running about a mile, maybe a LITTLE less). We plan on going again tomorrow through Thursday... then Friday I'll probably go with another friend who is very good at kicking my butt... of course, I'll be sore tomorrow, but I'll be ok.

I think the working out is gonna help my stomach. I didn't call the doctor about it, today, bc mom and I were running around doing a bunch of legal stuff... which is what made today so hard.

Travis came over, again, this evening. I love having him around... he's been so good to us... I just can't believe I have someone like him. He makes me laugh when I don't even want to smile... I just feel so happy with him, but when I do cry over my dad, he's there for me. He isn't a hugging type of consoler (sp), but he'll sit up next to me, or rub my leg, or just stand, quietly, by my side. I think knowing he's there while I sob is a comfort. Of course, when I need a hug, his arms are open (he really has no choice in that matter, heehee)

Ok, I'm gonna try to get some sleep... here's hoping...

Things I love

Here are just a few things I love:

1. Travis
2. My mom
3. My best girls (Courtney, Emmers, and Kendal)
4. Needlepointing
5. My other girls (you know who you ALL are!)
6. Severe Weather
7. Children (especially babies!)
8. HSM (shut up!)
9. Singing
10. Rascal Flatts
11. Firefly/Serenity
12. Shows about natural disasters
13. CSI: NY
14. Grey's Anatomy (BUT CLIFF HANGERS SUCK!)
15. The Twilight saga
16. My cat, Scamper

And here is what I hate:

1. Not having my Daddy here
2. My stomach (not just the size, but it's (lack of) function)
3. My body
4. My skin
5. Not knowing what my future will be like



It's been a rough day. Ups and downs like crazy. My best girls took me out to dinner and then bowling, though the bowling didn't last long (don't ask).

I did get to spend the afternoon with my sweetie, and that was nice :) Plus, dinner was fun... I love my best girls!

Tomorrow, mom, Travis, and I have to look for dad's original Will. We have copies, but we NEED the original... ugh... it's gonna be a long day...

WONDERFUL DAY!

Today was AMAZING!!!!! There were AT LEAST 250 people (Travis thinks there were more than 400) at Daddy's memorial service! I didn't cry during the actual service, but when we walked into the sanctuary for the procession, I teared up because of the huge number of people.I smiled during most of the service, bc our minister was telling funny stories about Daddy that had everyone laughing.

And get this... THEY PULLED IT OFF!!!!!!!!! MY MINISTER MANAGED TO PULL TOGETHER CURRENT AND FORMER YOUTH CHOIR MEMBERS TO SING THE CHORAL BENEDICTION! The benediction is the youth choir's "song". We sang it at the end of every service that we were a part of. Daddy loved that song, and never made it through without crying... When we were planning the service, I told the minister that I wanted that song to be sung...

Well... My old choir buddies drove in from out of town JUST TO SING AT DAD'S SERVICE!!! The minister told me they did it just for me, bc I wanted to have that song sung... It was INCREDIBLE!!! I did cry a little when the choir began the song, but it was just so wonderful!

Mom and I recieved guests after the service, and I kid you not - it took over an hour to shake hands, give hugs, thanks yous, and everything... THERE WERE SO. MANY. PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's gonna hit me soon, but today was a day of celebration, and we certainly did Mom and I thought it was gonna be a horrible day, but it was spectacular!


I have told everybody that the number of guests made me feel so humble. I was just shocked to see everyone, and I knew Daddy touched lives, but THAT MANY?!?!?! He was one helluva man!I'm just so thankful to have so many friends and loved ones... but I'm now waiting for reality to hit, bc I know it's coming, but like I did exactly one week ago, I'm holding on to this happiness with everything I have, bc I know it will crash down at some point.

Wow... one week ago, I was leaving the hospital... I was on such a high bc of how well Dad was doing... I was holding onto the happiness with all my might, and it crashed down 5 hours later...

I'm just so humbled by everyone who came to celebrate Dad's life...IT WAS A WONDERFUL DAY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today was a wonderful day, filled with love and celebration. I had no idea how many people loved my father! There must have been at LEAST 200 people!

Final Farewell

Well, by the time most people see this, it will be "today" On Tuesday, at 9:45am EST, mom and I will place Dad's ashes in the niche at our church. We are anticipating a long and difficult day, but we have many family members and friends to surround us with love and support.

Two of my cousins arrived today... The husband grew up with my mom, and is the son of my grandmother's sister. The couple who introduced my parents to each other also flew in. They are all leaving tomorrow afternoon, which I hate, but they do have lives to return to. I'm just glad they made it out here to say goodbye to Daddy.

The memorial service is at 10:30, followed by visitation. Mom and I anticipate a large turnout, because Dad touched so many people in his life... it's simpley amazing to me.

I made it through today without crying, but I'm stocking up on tissues for tomorrow...I will post tomorrow night and let ya'll know how things go.

Dad's Guest book

Here is the link for Daddy's guestbook:

http://www.legacy.com/gb2/default.aspx?bookid=936429916206&cid=full


I had a melt down tonight... well, it's after 1am here, so I guess it's morning, but still, my point remains.

Mom and I are getting our nails done tomorrow (Monday) and then Travis and I will go pick up people from the airport. Mom and Dad's closest friends are flying in. These are the ones who introduced Mom and Dad to each other. They are very special because it was them who got the love story started.

I'm about to pass out, so I'm going to sleep. Goodnight

No Title

I don't really have a title for this entry... I just wanted to post my Dad's full obituary that will be in the Sunday (May 10, 2009) paper, here in Charlotte.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/charlotte/obituary.aspx?page=lifestory&pid=127045678


Travis and I went to blow up a picture of Dad to display at his memorial service on Tuesday. It is taken from one of my Debutante pictures. He looks so handsome in the pic.

T is continuing to do so much for me and my mom... he even threw in a super sweet gesture that made me cry happy tears :) All of my friends say he's a keeper... so I'm gonna keep him :)

Tomorrow (Sunday), we have to get the rest of Dad's pictures together for the video that will be made about Daddy to be displayed during the visitation. I'm not looking forward to it, but it will be fun to laugh at memories.

That's all for now... it's totally bedtime!

Better Day

After my rough day, yesterday, I'm feeling a bit better today. Uncle Chuck and my cousin, Sue, got here last night. Chuck had us laughing, and it was nice.

I got to bed close to 3am and got up at 11:30!

Travis and I went to his house yesterday afternoon to take care of his house chores (collecting mail and watering plants), so I took the opportunity to lay down for a few minutes. As soon as my eyes shut, images of my Dad, during his last few minutes, popped into my head... so I decided to practice pushing them out. I'm giving myself away here, but I ran HSM3 through my mind, playing parts of the movie in my head. Within a few minutes, I was beginning to fall asleep!!!

I WAS ABLE TO KEEP DAD OUT OF MY HEAD WHILE I TRIED TO SLEEP! I just don't like seeing him pass over and over and over, which is what keeps me awake at night, and I wanted to get some sleep, so by playing a movie in my head, I could have a chance at sleeping.

I did fall asleep quickly, last night... maybe because it was so late, and I hadn't slept a lot the previous night, but man, I slept hard!

Travis and I are going to go have a picture of Daddy blown up to display at his memorial, then we're gonna wash some of our cars. I think that keeping myself busy will help some.

That's all for now.

Rough Day

I'm really struggling today. I just can't believe he's gone. I hate this. I hate everything about this.

Obituary

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/Charlotte/obituary.aspx?n=Robert-E-Pennington&pid=127045678

Numb

Mom and I met with our minister today to plan the funeral. It took about 2 hours, and we still aren't finished. We do know that it is going to be light hearted, and a celebration... but I just don't know how I'll handle it.

We went to the funeral home right after. We got to see Daddy one more time before he went to be cremated. He looked so peaceful... and he was so cold. He even had a smirk on his face, which made me and mom laugh. I know, Dad wasn't in that body anymore, but it still stung to see him that way.

We also told his sister, this afternoon. Travis went with us, and he was my strength. Glenda took it better than we expected. Though she thinks and processes things differently than us (due to being mentally handicapped), she still understands what has happened, and is glad that Daddy is walking with the Lord... or as one of dad's friends said, "He's up there selling God some beachfront property" heehee

I can't help but wonder, how will we get on without him? He always made us smile and laugh... he took care of us... he was my Daddy... and now he's gone...Two of our family members arrive tomorrow (Friday) night, and then some more will be here Monday.

I made it through today without crying too much... but then again, mom and I were running errands, and then I was with friends the rest of the day, but now, I'm in my room, alone, and this is the worst time for me. I hate being alone. I know my mom is in the room next to me, and Travis is in my basement, but I need him to hold me as I fall asleep...

No... I need my dad... I want my Daddy...

It's been a long day. Thank you to everyone who came over to see us. It means so much.

We have a long road ahead. Keep us in your thoughts

A Sad Update

At 3:00am EST, mom got a call to come to the hospital. Dad's breathing was shallow, and he wasn't responding to anything or anyone. We got there at 3:30 and at 4, I went to get Travis (bc he's a heavy sleeper and he couldn't hear my calls).

Once mom and I were there, the moment she spoke his name, his eyes opened. He was in and out of consciousness all morning. Mom told him it was almost over, and he said, "Oh no" bc he was worried about how we would be. He then told us he loved us, before slipping back into unconsciousness.

At 8:30, we took him off of his antibiotics and blood pressure medication. We then gave him morphine and waited for our minister to get there.

At 9:30, the minister arrived. We said a final prayer and dad's BiPAP was removed.

At 10:05am, my father passed away. When he passed, he was surrounded by his friends (7 of them) while mom and I held his hand and said, "I love you"

It was a rough morning. Travis held me while I sobbed, and then I held him while he cried. He whispered into my ear, "we will get through this" which brought me so much comfort.

The funeral probably won't be until Tuesday, bc our family is in Arkansas and will be driving out here, plus it is the best time for our church. Daddy will be cremated, which makes Tuesday a realistic day for us.

I'm going to go take a nap in honor of my Daddy, but that man LOVED his naps!

Yeah, we were cracking jokes most of the morning, and continue to crack jokes, bc Daddy was a funny guy who could laugh at himself, even in this situation!

Thank you all for your support. Dad is at peace, and for that, I am very greatful.

Robert Pennington
September 1, 1947 - May 6, 2009
Rest in peace, Daddy
I love you

He's gone

Well. This is it. He will no longer be with us in a matter of hours.

HAPPY DANCE!!!

Mom and I are:
S-O H-A-P-P-Y!

The following is from a conversation I had earlier this evening, I just didn't feel like re-typing it all, but I'll make this easier to understand:

Dad's not out of the woods, but he completely turned around from yesterday
he had no clue how close he was to death
he was wondering why we'd all been crying, so mom told him that he was very sick, and she told him that he had been very close to death.

Yesterday, I put my mini teddy bear by his head that mom gave me a few years ago... it says "hang tough" on it. This is a teddy bear that I keep in my purse at ALL TIMES. When I change out my purses, that teddy bear is the first thing to go in. In fact, Travis almost got slapped when he tried to take it out of my purse when he cleaned it out, one time! It has carried me through many hard times, and I wanted dad to carry it through this hard time. So I gave it to dad, and tonight, he was about to have his sponge bath, and he said, "don't lose that bear! I need that bear!"

I almost cried from happiness, it made me feel so good!


Also, today, we could actually understand some of what he was saying to us!!! The doctors are even going to wean him off of the BiPAP!!!! He's going to "graduate" to a plain old oxygen mask!

Ya'll, he did it AGAIN... he came back from the brink

The moment I knew he was back was when he looked at my hair (in a pony tail) and said, "Jessica, your hair looks terrible!"

I told him, "well you aren't gonna win any beaty pagents anytime soon!" and he came back with, "yeah, but I have an excuse!"

Of course, it wasn't so exact like that. I still have to get close to him, so I can see his mouth when he talks. It's very slow, and still a bit jumbled, but it's there.

I know this may not last long, but I'm holding on to this happiness with every ounce of my soul.

And right now, my soul is ready for bed. It's getting close to midnight, and I've been up since 6:30, after falling asleep around 1:30am... so yes, I'm exhausted!

PLEASE KEEP PRAYING FOR MY FATHER! He isn't out of the woods yet, and he needs these prayers to continue!!!

Non-Mobile update

Dad's heart is beating strong and his blood pressure has gone up. He is still very week, and we have a hard time understanding him when he talks. He was able to go off of the BiPAP (for sleep apnea) for a couple of hours, today, so that was good... he even ate a bit of a milk shake! YAY!

Doctors and nurses are amazed at the turn around... I think this may mean he still has a few more days with us. We still don't think he will make it, but we also don't think he will be gone in the next 24 hours.

His spirit is still amazing... he makes tiny jokes and laughs at himself.

He did, however, ask mom, "Is this the end?" and she said, "I don't know." Then today he said he wished he knew how bad it was, but all I could say in response was, "I know you do."

I'm afraid to say anything, bc I don't want to crush his spirit, but mom did tell him last night that he has fought for a long time, and she knows he's tired, so if he feels like he needs to give up, it's ok. Daddy then told her that he loves her and he loves me more than anything else.

I just came home after being at the hospital since 8am bc of stomach problems... but I'm updating ya'll and then heading back up.

Travis has been with me for over 17 hours, straight. He didn't want me to be by myself, so he stayed over last night. His mom even came to visit us at the hospital today!

We had many guests yesterday, and many today... I really think that the prayers from so many people are WORKING!

I will continue updating with new information as I get them. Thank you all for being so wonderful throughout this whole ordeal.

Dad's heart is beating strong. He's holding on.

Back at the hospital. It's going to be a long day. Pray for my Daddy.

36 hours. That's what the doctors have given my dad.

It doesn't look good. His lungs are shutting down. He's getting oxygen, but has CO2 in his brain. We won't be putting him on a ventilator. This may be it.

Mom just called. Told me to get to the hospital now.

Added a guestbook

I added a guestbook. Please sign it and let me know who all is reading this!

More heart issues

Doctors think dad's heart is weakening and that he's back in a state of heart failure. There is also something wrong with his kidneys. I swear, if his kidneys are failing, he's getting one of mine. My blood type is O+ so I should be compatible right?

Dad has lived with heart failure for 7 years, and he had just come out of it, then the stuff happened with his lungs and now, 6 months later, his heart is weakening. :( Mom isn't panicking, so she told me I could panic when she did :) We're trying to stay positive, but it's hard.

Mom has cried since she got home, though me waiting with a martini for her made her happy.

I have nothing else to say right now... I gotta go clean up after dinner - courtesy of Trav's mom :)

One step forward, one step back

We just got a call that Daddy is being sent back to ICU. He's getting confused again and his BP is going down. That's all I know right now... Mom is a wreck. I'm not surprised though, that dad is back there.

Travis and I just saw Daddy yesterday. He seemed to be in good spirits, but I could tell he was becoming disoriented again. They were about to take him off his antibiotics, and I have a feeling that may be a contributing factor. He couldn't remember what he had for lunch, earlier in the day, and we got there around 4:30, so it had only been a few hours since he ate, though he only had a few bites of what the nurse described as, "some hamburger-looking thing."

Ugh.. my dog is being so ANNOYING! HE WILL NOT SHUT UP! He barks at us when we come in from outside, bc he wants a treat. He barks when we're eating dinner, bc he wants some... I FEED HIM THREE TIMES A DAY! S-H-U-T U-P ALREADY!

On a good note, I went to Trav's mom's house last night for a fish fry (I ate chicken, lol) and it was so much fun! I love how I seem to fit in with them... I don't know if they're just pretending, but I love it. There were mostly his mom's friends and her bf's friends, but Trav's two brothers came and it was fun to just hang out and talk. Mrs. P's friends remembered me from the last fish fry, though I had no clue who they were until a few minutes into dinner. (*side note... It's weird saying Mrs. P, bc that's what everyone called my mom! "Hey Mrs. P!" is what I used to always hear when I was little!... freaky haha).

Anyway, after we ate, some of us sat around a "bondfire," which was actually just a small firepit on the back porch, and told jokes. I laughed so hard that I had tears in my eyes. It was great! It was nice to get my mind off of things, but then I thought about mom, and I wished she had been there. She would have had so much fun. I want to get her out with her girlfriends, but her best friend is acting like she doesn't care, which really hurts ME!

At least my two best girls care enough to call me or text me every other day to find out how dad is (then again, they're probably reading this now... HEY EMILY! HEY COURTNEY! - which keeps them in the loop). I just feel so bad for mom... does anybody have any ideas how I can get her mind off dad? Even if it's for a couple of hours, I just want her to have fun and laugh... sure she'd be coming back home to reality, but for a few hours, I want her to push this whole mess aside and have fun and laugh... I miss her laughter :(

Out of ICU

Dad is out of ICU. He was moved to a regular room about 20 mins ago and called to tell us.

I have a lot on my mind, but I was pressure washing (to get out my frustration) and my right arm isn't working very well... so I'll make another post later.