How did I get here?

How did I get here?  How did I get to this point?  I can honestly say that I love my life.  I love the person I am becoming.  I have a lot on my calendar over the next month... between work and church, I'm really busy... and you know what?  I LOVE THAT!  I can look at the calendar on my phone, and I only have 4 or 5 days in the month of March when I'm not doing anything AT ALL!  I certainly am enjoying my new job.  I have my first school picture day next week, when the kids come for individual shots, and I'm looking forward to it :)

I just feel so good about myself right now...  I sure do miss my Daddy, but the positivity in my life makes each day worth while.  I have said this a bunch of times, and I know I'll say it over and over, but I owe my renewed sense of happiness to choir.  Having music in me and being able to share that has turned my world upside-down, and I'm so thankful.

Travis is continuing to be another bright light in my life.  His constant and unconditional love has carried me through the most difficult situations.  I know they weren't easy for him, either, and it feels good to be able to share problems, sadness, and joy together.  We are a true team... he's my partner in crime and my best friend.  I have never felt this kind of love with anyone before.  It's a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.  I get butterflies everytime he looks at me... I hope that never stops!

He made a comment, the other day, when we were out at dinner, that pretty much confirmed we would be together for the rest of our lives and have a family of our own.  He has made a few comments, actually, over the last few days/weeks.  It is just one more thing to make me feel good.

I have a little more to say, but I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to bed.  :)

Busy Busy!

I have been a very busy girl!  Saturday, I had to work.  We went to Harrisburg and did a shoot for 14 basketball teams, ages 5-11.  It was a rather long day, I had to get up at 5:15!  I hadn't been up before the sun in YEARS!  The shoot went well.  I'm fitting in and got complimented on how well I handled the children.

Sunday, I sang at the 8:30 service and then got to stay the whole time in my Sunday School class!  It was also a day of service, and my class took part in volunteering with Loaves and Fishes.  Travis and I made it a humorus activity :)  We were there for about 2 and a half hours.  Then we had a chili dinner at church before attending a small service in the chapel to reflect on the day of service.  It made me feel really good.

Monday, I had to be at work at 9am.  My boss had some office things for me to take care of.  I had to take picture order forms and count out a number of forms to send to classrooms in different schools.  One school had 60 classes, which needed 25 order forms per class, so I had to count out 25 forms, 60 times.  (yep, 1500 forms).  I had six schools to do, and most schools had 30-36 classrooms at 25 forms each...  It was a very long day of counting and re-counting.  My head hurt by the end of the day (which was 4:30pm).

I went back, today, to finish up another school and receive a shipment of youth sport picture order forms.  I had to count out a few of those, as well, but will do the rest on Monday.

I guess I can now say I have a little bit of office experience.  I haven't had to type up anything, but I got the sorting, counting, and filing part in the bag!

I love looking at my calendar and seeing it almost filled with things I have to do.  I never thought I would like being so busy, but it seems to be growing on me... maybe it's just the fact that I don't want to get anything done around the house... I'd rather go to work than stay here and clean my room haha!

I've been keeping up with the olympics, somewhat.  I watch it every night with mom and Travis, then again when I get ready to go to sleep.  I don't know why I am enjoying it so much... maybe it's just the competition or danger involved in these sports... who knows!

I'm happy, still.  I do miss my dog, my dad, and my grandmother... but death is a part of life, and I'm chosing to keep on living mine!

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Have I mentioned I love being in my church choir???  Well... I LOVE BEING IN CHOIR!  I love everyone in the choir too!  I still don't know all the names, but it makes me feel good to be able to go into the rehearsal hall and be greeted by everyone with such warmth.  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

My first day of work was so much fun!  I got there at 7:30am and learned how to set up the risers, as well as how to handle the throngs of children that would be coming and going.  I was even hazed haha!  I had to duct tape the cords onto the floor so no one would trip... my legs and back are still sore!

It was hectic.  A lot of children, ages 5-11, came in.  We were doing club photos, which involved a lot of children trying to find out where to go and what to do.  I felt comfortable almost instantly.  It was very loud, though, and that was a challange.

I work again tomorrow.  We're going to a church for teams pictures or something.  I'm looking forward to it.  I have to meet up with one of my co-bosses at 6:10am... not too thrilled with that, but I should be home around 2, which will be just in time for a nap :)

I don't have much else to say... this is one of my shorter entries!  How bout that.....?

First day on the job!

I begin my new job tomorrow!  I think we're going to be taking pictures of elementary school clubs and sports.  I have to be in Matthews at 7:30am (don't laugh, I can do that!).  I thought my first day was going to be Feb 20th, but when the schedule was sent out, I was listed on the 16th.  I'll admit I'm a wee bit nervous... first day jitters, I guess!

I am still searching for a job as a child care center, as well.  My new boss knows that this is a temporary position for me, and I do hope to be a part of it for a long time, but it won't be able to provide me the amount of money I need to live off of.  My boss is awesome, too :)  I'm very happy to have some sort of income, other than my church job, which is once a week, sometimes less if the youth group doesn't meet.

I was talking to Travis about my finances and how I would love to have two jobs: one for spending money and one for saving money.  I think that when I find a job at a childcare center, I can put the money I make with the photography company into my savings account for my future, and use the childcare center money for expenses.  In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to work at all, but this is a world in which I have to learn to make my own way.

Before Daddy died, he was like a bank for me (sadly enough).  If I needed anything, he would help me find a good deal and then he would help finance it.  Once he was gone, I realized that I can't completely rely on my parents for money.  Mom now has all of Dad's funds, but she's still learning the ropes, and she won't be around forever... it's time for me to step up and get a grip on my life.


In Sunday School, yesterday, the topic was, "What happens when you die?"  Each week, there is an introductory question that everyone answers - a way to get to know each other, as well as a way to get us focused on the day's lesson.  Yesterday's question was "Share with the group who you are, a time when someone close to you died, and how you felt or reacted."  Serious shockwaves went through me when I read that.

My answer was about losing Dad, Nonnie, and Willie.  I said that when Dad died, I didn't know what was going to happen next in my life.  I felt lost and upset, but I also had a light go on inside me.  I took a horrible experience, and instead of curling up in a ball and wasting away, I found a new motivation in me.  I began to work harder at taking control of myself and my future.  I realized that it was time for me to become independent, and that's what I'm working toward.  (Side note:  this change in me didn't happen overnight.  It has taken over 9 months for me to actually figure out why I was hit with motivation and I'm finally becoming my own person).

Travis talked about the death of his father, about 5 years ago, and how it affected him.  I'm not going to go into it, because I don't think he would appreciate it, but I will say that he took it very hard, and was lost (as I was) for a long time.  (I managed to find my way a lot sooner than he, and I attribute it to Trav, because he has played a huge part in my recovery of Dad's death).

I had to leave for choir before the discussion began, which I hated.  That's the ONLY thing I don't like about choir... I have to leave sunday school 30 mins before it is over, which means I miss a lot, but Travis always catches me up afterwards.  During his post-Sunday School and Church recap, he told me something that made me feel really good.  The guy leading the class used me as an example.  He said that I took a horrible experience and made a positive turn out of it.


I actually had a conversation on, I think, Friday with mom about my outlook on life has changed so much.  The last 10 months were hell.  Nearly 9 and a halfs months ago I lost my Daddy.  4 months, and change, later I lost my Grandmother.  Two weeks ago, I lost my dog.  The last year has not been good for my family, but I still feel like a very lucky girl.  I had over 25 years with my Dad, 20 years of Nonnie living with us, and almost 14 years with the coolest dog EVER!  I learned from my family, and even though they are gone, my heart still explodes with the love I felt and still feel for them.


I have my mom, who is an amazing person, and I love her with everything in me. I have my two cats, though I'm only close with one of them, Scamper. She has been wonderful to me, without even knowing I have Trav's dog, Sasha. I think having her here has helped the shock of Willie's death to not be as great, simply because we had a second dog here. I also have the greatest boyfriend in the world. Travis has been my rock. I know the last 10 months have been hard on him, as well, but he shows me, and my mom, love.




Whenever I have a moment of sadness, Travis is there to wrap me in his arms and let me cry it out. After I have my cry, we sit and talk about why I'm upset, and by the end of our conversation, I'm happy again. I don't know how he has managed to stay with us through it all, but I'm so glad he did. He is the light of my life, and he is my forever guy.


I can't say I'm totally over the death of my Dad.  I do get sad from time to time, and I still go to sleep fighting the images of Daddy as he died, but I have learned methods of dealing with them (thanks to a suggestion from Travis) and I can fall asleep easier...  Wow, Travis has been everything in my getting through the deaths of my family members... I don't know if I could have made it without his constant love and support...

Chocolate Fondue RULES!!!!!!!!!!!

The chocolate fondue was a success!!!  I used a double boiler pot to heat the chocolate chips.  Add water to a small or mid-sized pot, only about two or three cups, and place another small or mid sized pot on top of it, but make sure the water doesn't touch the top pot.  Heat the water up to a boil, so that a little bit of steam rises from the sides, and if you want to, reduce the heat (that's what I did).  I added one bag of Nestle milk chocolate morsels and about a half a cup of half and half creamer (I didn't have any heavy cream, which is what is suggested to be used).  Melt the chocolate morsels while stirring frequently, to avoid burning.  You will end up with a creamy chocolate dip.  Cut up and fruits or cakes you wish to dip (this can be done ahead of time).  You can remove the chocolate from heat or turn the stove down to a simmer, to keep warm.  Now you are ready to enjoy!  Dip fruits or cakes or marshmellows in the chocolate, but be careful not to burn yourself, as the mixture will be hot!

Travis kept giving me high fives while he ate the fondue, and I think he may have even fallen in love with me all over again, haha.  I know what to do and look forward to making chocolate fondue again... IT RULES!!!!!

Early Valentine's Day

Because of our work schedules, Travis and I are going to celebrate Valentine's Day this evening.  We are going to a VERY exclusive resturaunt named "The Pennington Kitchen."  I'm pretty excited, actually.  I have discovered that I love to cook for Travis.  I'm getting better at cooking, and am learning how to balance my time in the kitchen.

Mom is being sweet and is gonna eat her dinner in her room, so Trav and I can have a nice dinner alone.  I do feel so bad that Daddy isn't here with her, but then I remember that they never really celebrated V-Day, so it makes me feel a little better.

For dinner, Travis is going to grill out a london broil with his new grill kit that I got him for Valentine's Day, while I take care of a few sides and bread.  For dessert, I'm going to try something new and fix chocolate fondue.  I'll let you know how it turns out :)

We're probably going to watch the Olympics Opening Ceremonies this evening.  I'm looking forward to a quiet night with my love.

Willie is home

Travis and I went to get Willie's ashes yesterday.  The vet had him placed in a beautiful wooden box, which will be set on our mantle.  I plan on finding a charm at the funeral home to put a small portion of the ashes in, so I will be able to keep Willie with me at all times, though I'm not going to do this anytime soon.

The vet also made a paw print in plaster for us.  I will take a picture and post it later.  It's a bit odd not having my Boy here, but he's in a place where his health is perfect and Daddy's lap is always open for him to lay on :)

The vet did send us a very sweet card and a poem titled, "The Rainbow Bridge".  I will post that up later, as well.  They were so good to us, and continue to be good to us.  I am so glad I go to Independence Veterinary Clinic (shameless plug) because the staff makes it personal.  I can walk in the front door and the nurses all know who I am right away!  It makes me feel really good, especially when they inquire about my other pets!

As horrible as Feb. 1 was, the nurses and Willie's Doctor made the experience bearable and comfortable.  I guess now would be a good time to tell the story.


At around 9:30am on Monday, Feb 1, I called the vet to get an appt for Willie.  They could see us at 10:30.  I got dressed and went to clean out Trav's truck, while mom held the boy.  When it was time to leave, mom couldn't give Willie up, because she knew this would be the last time she would ever hold him.  She did finally give him to me, after I had climbed into the truck.  Travis drove me and Woo to the vet.  As soon as we walked in, the nurses all knew it wasn't Willie.  He could barely walk and had lost another 3 or 4 pounds.  We took him into the exam room, and blood was drawn.  I talked to the Doctor about the results, which were very bad.  Willie was in the middle stages of kidney failure.  She gave me options as to how we could buy Willie 'maybe' 6 more months with us, but I knew that wouldn't be good for him.  I called mom and had the Doctor explain the results and our options.  Mom and I decided the best route would be to let Willie go.

I'm going to pause here, for a minute, to explain something.  I strongly feel that, had I not been through what I went through with Dad (making the decision to let nature take its course, which resulted in his death), I would have pushed to get Willie as much treatment as possible.  However, I had to put my own wants aside and think of what was best for Daddy, and that was to not let him suffer.  The same applied to Willie.  I couldn't watch him suffer, and putting him to sleep was the most humaine (sp) option.

Back to the 'story'

After we decided to put Willie down, the Doctor and nurse led me, Trav, and Willie into their "comfort room."  It was filled with soothing colors, so flameless candles, and felt very calming, considering the circumstances.  I sat down on the floor and had a blanket draped over my legs.  The nurse put the IV catheter in Willie's leg and set him in my lap.  I just held him and told him "I love you" over and over.  The Doctor came in with two syrenges (sp), one had a sedative, and the other was an overdose of anesthesia (sp), which would stop Willie's organs.  She told me to take as much time as I wanted, but I told her to just get it over with.  She gave Willie the sedative, and he relaxed in my arms.  I continued to say "I love you" to him.  I put my hand under his chest when the Doctor began to inject the anesthesia.  She told me it could take up to 40 seconds for all organs to stop, but Willie was gone before she even finished injecting him.  Willie was just ready to go.

I sat there for about 10 minutes, after Willie died, and smelled him.  Travis was handing me tissue after tissue, and I was blowing my nose, then sniffing willie, blowing my nose, sniffing willie... you get the idea.  I wanted to remember how he smelled...

I finally gave him to the nurse, and it was so weird.  Willie's eyes were wide open, but he wasn't there.  While the nurse held him, I gave him one more kiss in our "special kissy spot" which was right between his eyes.  I used to kiss him there when he was a puppy, and I kissed him there through his whole life... it only felt right to give him one more kiss.

Once Willie was out of the room, I shut the door and buried my head in Trav's chest.  I was crying so hard... and he, once again, held me and told me we would get through this.  How on earth has Travis managed to stick around through all of this death???

Travis was quiet for the rest of the day, and I know he was hurting, as well.  It was a very difficult situation, and I would have liked to have not been there when Willie went to sleep, but I'm not the type of person to let my loved ones go through major events alone, and I'd be damned if I let Willie die alone.

If I had to do it over again, I would still stay with him.  He was my sweet Woo-Boy, and I'm going to miss him.

I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!

FINALLY!  I HAVE A JOB!  I'm going to be working for a photograpy company that does school pictures as an assistant.  Basically, my job is to get the children ready for their pictures; fixing their hair, making sure their faces are clean, and get them to "smile big."  We'll be traveling all over North and South Carolina, and it sounded a lot like Trav's schedule, as far as travel is concern.

I'm really excited about this.  It's my first "real" job, dealing with children.  My soon-to-be boss, C, told me he thinks this will be a great way for me to gain experience in a field that I am most passionate about (children, if you didn't already know).  The way he spoke gave me the impression that he understands this isn't going to be a permament thing, and that he wants to help me work toward building my career in child care.

The guy I'll be working for is the son of my Dad's close friend.  C's parents have been a huge help in getting us through the death of Daddy and Nonnie, and C's mom put me in touch with him, thinking this would be a good thing for me to do, and I'm very greatful to her for it!

I'm going to be traveling to, I think, Huntersville, NC on February 20 to observe the procedures and my first official day on the job will be Feb. 22.  It's going to involve long hours and a lot of outdoor shoots (the company also does children's sport team pictures)... can you imagine?  ME?  OUTDOORS?!?!?!  I'm going to be dealing with two things I don't care for with this job: early mornings (sometimes having to get up at 4:30am) and outdoors.  I'm a little anxious about those, but I'll survive, and I'll make money, which is what I really need!!!

Because I live at home, I'll be able to put more money aside while I work, and maybe be able to take care of my own bills after a few months.  My health insurance has sky rocketed, so I want to find a new company to be with, because Mom is paying an arm and a leg for me, and I don't want that anymore.

It has taken mean 26 years to get to this point, and I see improvements in myself everyday.  I'm getting so much closer to my goal of becoming independent, and I gotta tell you, it feels so good!




The last few days have been weird for our household.  Mom told me that, Tuesday night, she woke up in the middle of the night and saw Willie on the corner of the bed.  We both know it was because that was where he slept every night, but it doesn't make it any easier.  I keep seeing him all over the house, too.  It's going to take me a while to get used to him being gone.  I'll have his ashes in a few days, as well as some fur, and his paw print in cement.  I really miss him...  oh, but now Travis is the only man in the house!!!  *looks up innocently*

There has been a huge cloud over us, since Monday.  It's primarily sorrow.  It just isn't the same, but we're pushing forward.

Tribute to The Boy

I miss my little boy *sniff*

Goodbye Willie...

Travis and I took Willie to the vet this morning.  He had gotten so weak and just couldn't eat much, so mom agreed to let us take him in, knowing that we would probably have to put him to sleep... and that's exactly what happened.  He died in my arms, while I whispered, "I love you" to him over and over.  He was ready to go.  It didn't take long at all either.

My Woo-Boy is finally reunited with Daddy and Nonnie.  I'm just so upset right now...  Anyway, I wanted to let y'all know...

Will E. Bite Pennington
June, 1996 - Feb. 1, 2010