I'm so Lucky

The group session went well. I'm very tired after talking about Dad and Nonnie and listening to others... I did cry some, which is what wore me out... the group leader said it was normal to feel tired after a session, and not to feel bad about it... So I don't haha

I'm very lucky, though... I'm lucky to have my friends who are there for me through everything. I swear, Courtney and Emmers are always lookin out for me and call to check on me and it feels so good to know someone cares :) I hope you both know how much I love ya'll and appreciate EVERYTHING you have done and continue to do for me and my mom. You make my days so much brighter and I'm forever greatful :) *hugs*

Time to clean the kitchen... then I'm gonna go to bed early tonight, that's for sure!

Grief Counselling

I begin my grief counselling(sp) tonight. I was originally going because of my Dad, but now Nonnie is gone, as well, so I'm gonna throw her in the mix. I'm still more upset about Daddy, and I feel bad about that, but it's different losing your father than your grandmother.

Oh, Nonnie's obituary ran today, here is the link:
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/charlotte/obituary.aspx?n=dixie-lee-quinn-wildy-caya&pid=132731614

My cousin wrote it for us, and we are very appreciative of it (hugs to Sue!).

I don't really have much more to say, but I wish we would bury Nonnie sooner than later. I know she's being cremated, so there isn't a set time limit, but it just doesn't feel right to not lay her to rest asap. I felt that waiting 6 days after dad died to bury him was a long time, but there are talks of waiting til NOVEMBER to bury her! I DON'T WANT TO BURY MY GRANDMOTHER IN MY BIRTH MONTH! That may sound selfish, but it wouldn't feel right.

ugh... mom is too concerned about everyone's schedules... and I understand that, but this is her MOTHER, my Grandmother! WHY CAN'T WE JUST LET HER REST??? I'm getting upset now, so I'm gonna stop typing before I say something I regret.

Stuff we did today

This morning, I decided I wanted to go out for breakfast with my sweetie, so Travis and I went to a local resturaunt(sp) and then to the nursing home to get Nonnie's things. Some of the orderlies asked me how she was, and were saddened to hear she had passed. While Trav got a dolley to help roll out the bigass TV in her room, I went in and began to get her clothes together. It was a bit harder than I thought it would be. As soon as I opened the closet, I started crying. I got over it quickly, though, and we finished packing.

I went to see Glenda (my Dad's sister, who is also in the nursing home where Nonnie was) and told her about Nonnie's death. She was very unhappy about it, but she hugged me and told me it would be ok and that she would be there if I needed her. It's amazing how strong she is. For those who don't know, Glenda (74 years old) is mentally retarded, but like my Daddy, everyone who knows her LOVES her! She is going to outlive everyone because of how happy she is. Even when her brother (Dad) died, she stayed strong and even offered advice to me... I am always amazed at her insight!


People have been bringing food, again, and our fridge is overflowing, again, but it's nice to not have to cook. When Dad died, we were flooded with people, food, and love... which is a wonderful feeling, knowing how many people love us.

Travis continues to give me strength. I don't know what I would do without him and his constant love. He's amazing and I love him "to the edge of the 'verse and back".

She's Gone

At 8:53pm EST, my grandmother passed away. I was out at the Greek Festival with some girlfriends, Travis was out with my uncle, who flew in today, and mom was reading, sitting beside Nonnie. It was so peaceful, that mom didn't even know she had passed until a nurse came in and said something. Just after she died, mom called me to come to the hospital. I hadn't driven, so one of my friends dropped me off and I ran from one end of the hospital to where my grandmother was.

She died 4 months, 5 days, 10 hours, and 48 minutes after Daddy. I'm not as upset about this as I was when Dad died, but this still hurts.

Today, though, I felt compelled (sp) to visit my Dad's niche as I left the hospital, around 1:45pm EST... I talked to him and told him, "I know you just got away from her, but you know she doesn't have long. You brought her into our home when she had nothing left. You looked after her and took care of her, even though you didn't have to. Now, she's about to pass, and I am asking you to look after her again. Take care of her for us, and let her know that we love her."

You know what? I think he heard me.

My uncle flew into town today. (I mentioned this already) He was able to come and say his goodbyes to her. We think she heard him and knew he was here, and decided it was ok to die. Chuck (my uncle) thinks if he had waited to fly in tomorrow, she would have held on until then.

We are all at peace with her passing. She lived for 88 years, 8 months, 3 weeks, and 1 day. Her parents both died when she was 18, and she is finally with them, as well as her two older sisters. Her younger sister is still living, although she isn't in the best of health now. Nonnie served in the Navy and was a member of WAVES in WWII. She has done and seen so much in her life... I'm just glad we had her for so long.I know my Dad is watching over her now. I miss him so much, and I know I'll miss Nonnie just as much.

E-mail from my mom

This is an e-mail she sent out... see how she said the same thing about Daddy wanting her to stay here???


I am home for an hour...got to take a break....Mom is holding her on. We will know more tomorrow morning. They have put her on a morphine drip to keep her comfortable and have stopped taking vitals so often because it agitates her so much. I know Robert is giving her the strength to keep on because he wants to have a little longer break from the visions of Dixie. 20 years was a long time to have your mother-in-law with you.

I am much stronger now and am dealing with the tasks at hand. It is hard but I can do it. Chuck is coming and I am glad for his sake.

I will let you know how things are going tomorrow.

I am so lucky to have such great friends and family... thank you for the calls, emails, food and visits. They have all helped me grow stronger. That is what Mom would want me to be....incredibly strong , as she was.

Nonnie update

She's holding on. The Doctor told mom it will still be a couple of days before she passes.

Last night, Nonnie had two male nurses watching over her. One of them came in the room and had a good conversation with my mom about death and spirituality. He told her that he has seen this type of scene many times since he became a nurse, and that when he walks in a room, he can tell if God is present in the room or not. He said that as soon as he came in Nonnie's room, he immediately felt God. Nonnie keeps reaching out when her eyes are open, and the nurse thinks she may be reaching out to angels that have surrounded her bed. He said there is no real way to know what she is seeing or feeling, but that he felt a very strong presence of God.

Those of you who know my grandmother know she wasn't religious. It has only been in the last few weeks/months that she has begun to allow people to pray with her. It's as though she knew this was coming, and wanted to make peace with God first.


I have told my friends not to come see her at the hospital. She is very weak and the way she is looking/acting is unlike the Nonnie everyone knew and loved. To those who know my grandmother, I want you to remember her as the mean old woman in the basement who played nintendo all the time :) (our basement is actually an apartment-type floor).

Mom and I still think Daddy is trying to make a deal with God to keep Nonnie down her a bit longer... I mean, come on, he JUST got rid of her! He needs HIS alone time first! haha (If you don't know us, you may not find that funny, but it has me and my friends laughing)

I'm getting ready to pick up around the house some and head to the hospital. Chuck will be flying in this afternoon. He's struggling with this, and really wants to be with his mother and sister (and his favorite/only niece). I'm holding up ok, it's just going very slowly, which sucks. I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but the doc says she's going to die, so why can't we just rip the band-aid off quickly, instead of letting it drag out and hurt us more, do you get the metaphor?

*sigh* I hate this :(

I wanted to let ya'll know that Nonnie has gone into kidney failure. Docs have given her 24 to 48 hours. This sucks.

Nonnie is in the ICU. Hoping she'll be ok. I'm in Clemson, working the first game of the season with Travis. Keep Nonnie in your prayers. This year SUCKS!

grrr

I backslid yesterday. I've been so angry and frustrated and irritable lately! It boiled over and I had a cigarette. So I'm back to Day 1 of my quit. *quitting smoking, take 2!*

Maybe now I can figure out what triggered my urge to smoke and avoid it next time!

More pics

Wow... Trav's hand is lookin ROUGH! Here are some more pics (these are for you, Sue!)

This is from Saturday afternoon at 3:45pm EST:


Sunday at around 12:30pm EST (he had hydrogen peroxide on it, that's why the bubbles are there):


Sunday at 1:15pm EST:


Monday at 2:30pm EST (hydrogen peroxide, again):


Tuesday at 9:45pm EST:



Travis isn't feeling well either. He tried to go to work, yesterday (Aug 31), and he made it for a few hours. Luckily they finished whatever it was they were working on, so he was able to come home around 3-ish, but he went to sleep as soon as he got here, poor thing.

I feel so bad for my sweetie! I'm riding his butt to take his antibiotics properly. I have to set my alarm on my cell phone to help get him some food and his meds. And yes, he is very appreciative (sp) of me. I make him a sandwich, or something, before bed, so he'll have food when he wakes up to take his med... if you haven't guessed, he needs to have food in his stomach first.


I survived today! It was Daddy's birthday, but I managed to make it all day with no tears! YAY ME! Mom struggled, though. :( and it's not helping that Nonnie isn't even trying to get better. She's not doing a damn thing in the nursing home to help rehabilitate herself! Why she does this to herself, and us, is beyond me... UGH! SO FRUSTRATING!


My quit stats:

17 days, 11 hours, 23 minutes and 22 seconds smoke free.
262 cigarettes not smoked.
$63.75 and 2 days of your life saved.
Your quit date: 8/15/2009 11:20:00 AM


This is really hard, and I have moments when I REALLY want a smoke, but I've worked too hard to get to day 18, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that go!

Today

Today is Daddy's birthday. He would have been 62. I miss him so much :(


Nothing like playing with a bunch of 2 and 3 years olds to make me giggle, though! Off to work, I go! :) heehee I LOVE MUNCHKINS!

Trav's Hand

Here are some pics of Trav's hand. On Wednesday, his hand was swollen to at least twice its size, now it's just a bigass blister! He compared his hand to a surgical glove that has been blown into once (I even got a picture of his hand beside a slightly inflated glove!)

This pic was taken in the waiting room of the urgent care center on Wednesday:



This is his hand beside a blown surgical glove, we were in the exam room (wednesday) and got bored:



This was his hand, yesterday, when we went back to the urgent care center for a follow up:



This is a pic of his hand that I took about 10 mins ago:





We decided that he was bitten by a spider. One of his buddies thinks he was bit by a black widow, but I disagree bc he would have been a lot sicker, in my opinion. What do ya'll think?

Dammit Man!

JUST ASK ME TO MARRY YOU ALREADY! OMG he's driving me crazy! He talks about it, makes references about it to strangers (i.e., the nurse at the Urgent Care Center), and he even called me "wife" at one point... he's saying things all the time, so frickin ASK ME ALREADY! *sheesh*


my quit stats:

13 days, 10 hours, 10 minutes and 56 seconds smoke free.
201 cigarettes not smoked.
$48.75 and 1 day, 12 hours of your life saved.
Your quit date: 8/15/2009 11:20:00 AM




Trav's friends think he was bitten by a black widow, but he would have gotten a lot sicker had he been. His hand and arm are no longer swollen, so that's good, but the spot where he was bitten has turned into a black/blue/purple blister... it's weird lookin!!! I'm just glad he's ok now!

I'm in pain!

I'm so sore after the Trainer came over, yesterday... not good for my first day at my internship! Oh well haha

My Quit Stats:

10 days, 9 hours, 8 minutes and 30 seconds smoke free.
156 cigarettes not smoked.
$37.50 and 1 day, 4 hours of your life saved.
Your quit date: 8/15/2009 11:20:00 AM


The days go by so SLOWLY!!!

Hell week is almost over!

The first week of quitting smoking is called Hell Week... at 11:20am EST, tomorrow, Hell Week will be over!!!

6 days, 4 hours, 20 minutes and 56 seconds smoke free.
93 cigarettes not smoked.
$22.50 and 17 hours of your life saved.
Your quit date: 8/15/2009 11:20:00 AM


Everytime I want a smoke, I make myself cough so I remember why I'm quitting... I hate this damn smoker's cough, and in a few months, it will go away... I just have to keep my quit! WOOHOO!

Travis is CRAY-ZAY!

I dunno WHAT he was thinking when he asked me to cut his hair... I did my best, but his hair is just so CURLY that I messed it up... Mom can't stop laughing at it! I'll try to get a picture of him posted, but let me just say that I am NEVER going into the hair business!


As of 10:20PM EST, my quit stats are:

5 days, 11 hours smoke free.
82 cigarettes not smoked.
$18.75 and 15 hours of your life saved.
Your quit date: 8/15/2009 11:20:00 AM



I'm feeling more anxious, but I'm going strong!

Three full days!

Three days of no smoking! WOOHOO! GO ME! Travis has stopped smoking when he's around me. I think he actually wants to quit, but the difference is that he dips, so he still gets his fix! Mom has slowed down a bit, as well. I guess it took one of us quitting to get the other two to slow down... and again... GO ME! haha

We got Nonnie settled into the nursing home. She isn't happy, but hasn't put up any kind of fight, which is great!

I've been baking today! I'm getting better in the kitchen, not burning as much :)

I have some more work to do, so I'm off!