Nanny Mania!

Well, I just submitted an application with a Nanny agency!  I'm hoping like crazy I can find a job as a Nanny.  That is a big dream of mine!  I just love the thought of working with the same family everyday, watching the children grow up and reach developmental milestones! 

This does mean that I am going to have to seriously step up my quitting smoking.  I have already cut out over half the number I smoked per day, which is wonderful!  I have also begun working out more.  I got the Jenny McCarthey (sp) workout game for my Wii, which keeps track of progress and makes a graph of it, so I can actually see my progress!  My hopes are that I can get more energy to play with children without getting so tired and, of course, lose more weight.  I mean, come one, munchkins have a LOT of energy and I need to be able to keep up!!!

You know what I love?  Going to church on Sunday mornings and walk into an ambush of children I babysit for.  You haven't felt anything until you feel the happiness of children tackling you in the atrium of a church :)  I also love it when the children are excited to come to church on Sunday night, to spend a few hours with me while their parents work with the youth group.  It fills my heart up with happiness!



Last night was rough, though.  Not with babysitting, that is always fun.  Travis told me about another incident involving his house.  He doesn't want me to broadcast it, so I'm just going to leave it at that.  It just made me so angry!  I was actually suprised at how mad I got, so I left the room and came downstairs to do a jigsaw puzzle online, which did calm me down.

The weird thing, though, was that I went from being angry to crying in less than 10 minutes.  Let me explain:  Willie isn't doing well.  His health has been declining since his tooth removal back in late November.  He hardly eats, so mom has begun to give him scrambled or hard boiled eggs, which he does eat.  He doesn't jump up on the couch anymore either, mom or I have to lift him up.  His back legs are getting weaker by the day!  We have wood floors, and when Willie tries to stand up, his legs begin to slide, and he is falling a lot.  He won't even come down the stairs from the top floor to the main floor, because those steps are wood and he has had too many slide-downs, so I usually carry him down.

This is just killing me, but I am also thankful that he has had almost 14 years with us.  He has certainly lived a long life, and I'm so glad he is my dog.  Mom and I do have a sinking feeling that Willie won't be around much longer, so we are spending as much time with him as we can.

Last night, I was petting the Woo-boy, and I just lost it.  I started crying.  I don't want to lose another family member so soon after Daddy and Nonnie, but one thing I've learned from the past year is that I am resiliant.  I can go through unthinkable ordeals and come out on the other side.  "If you're going through hell, keep going!"  Well, I'm still going.  Let me tell you, it's not easy!

I have more to say, but I need to get back to applying for jobs :)

Forced Confidence

Nothing forces confidence in a person like having to sing a vocal part with only one other person to back them up.

Sunday morning was my first service as a part of a Chamber Choir, which sings at the 8:30 service once a month.  There were about 6 sopranos, but I was 1 of 2 first sopranos...  mmhmm, that made me nervous!  I wasn't sure I'd be able to sing very well without a few more firsts to back me up, but I sucked it up and sang out.  The director said I did a great job, which set my mind at ease a bit more.

I also went to the new Sunday School class with Travis.  It's for 20-somethings.  I had to leave early, though, since I had to sing at the 11:00 service, as well.  Another member of my class is in choir, which I didn't know until I almost ran right into her while coming out of the robing room!  It'll be nice to have someone else who leaves early!



I got my rings back today.  I took Nonnie's ring to Perry's last week to have it sized to fit my right ring finger, and now I have it!  I am so happy!  It's all shiney and pretty and YAY!

Yeah, that's about all I have to say... nothing else exciting is going on here!

Every family has one...

A black sheep.  Every family has one.  You know, the one person that stands out among all of your relatives.  Being a black sheep can be a good thing or a bad thing.  I already have one in mind for my family.  Well, now I can think of two.  One is great, the other... not so much.

The bad black sheep tends to cause anguish for the family.  He or she may have built up a resentment over the course of many years, resentment that is unwarrented and irrational.  This person may think he or she is the one who needs all the attention, and attracts the attention in ways that end up alienating the person.  Other family members may shy away from visiting the black sheep for fear of being the victim of a guilt trip or manipulation.  It is very sad that the black sheep can't even realize who he or she is.  The signs are all around, but he or she is so focused on his or her self that it makes the person blind... or oblivious... or ignorant.

I tend to feel sorry for the bad black sheep because the person could lose friends or even family because of his or her selfishness.  Seriously, what drives a person to be that way?

Take a moment to think.  Who in your family would you consider to be a black sheep?  If you have a significant other, think about his or her family as well...  who is the black sheep?  If you can't figure one out, be it good or bad, then you are either very very lucky, or the black sheep of your family.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This afternoon, I went down to visit my second family (aka: Trav's family) and it was so much fun!  It was the first time I've gone solo.  Last time I went without Travis, mom was with me, and I guess I considered her to be a type of security blanket.  So when I decided to go visit on my own, I was taking (what I considered to be) a big step.

Aunt C welcomed me into her home like I was already one of the family (and she even said that I'm family).  We sat and talked for almost an hour, while we waited for her daughter, son-in-law, and new grandbaby to get there.  Once they were there, I got to hold the baby and feed her...  I even managed to sing her to sleep for a couple of hours!  Being in a setting with just C, E, and P was nice.  Usually there are a bunch of people there, so I haven't actually had time to get to know Trav's cousins, one-on-one, but I got the chance today :)

After we all hung out for a while, we drove to meet up with the rest of the family for dinner.  There were 21 people, total!  Trav's brothers were there, along with their respective significant other and Trav's older brother's kids.

I always love being able to get together with his family (who I now call my second family), and tonight I got to see everyone without Travis as my back-up.  It was 100% Jessica!  We laughed and talked and goofed off for about two hours (bc there were so many of us, it did take the food a while to get to the tables).  Everyone asked where Trav was (at a monster truck show out of town) and how my mom is doing.  The fact that almost everyone asked about my mom was heartwarming.  It just made me feel good.

I need to quit typing and go to bed!  I have to sing at the early church service tomorrow, so I need sleep!  Goodnight!

Amazing!

I just saw on The Weather Channel (hush) that a toddler was rescued from rubble in Haiti today!  Three days after the earthquake and a young child was found alive!  That warms my heart :)



Speaking of TWC, why must they tease me?!?!?!  They're talking about possible Thunderstorms in Charlotte tomorrow afternoon... DON'T TEASE ME!!!  (ya'll know how much I LOVE T-Storms, how cool would it be to have storms tomorrow???  I'll tell you... IT'D BE WAY COOL!)

Wow, I'm a dork haha... BUT THAT'S WHY YA'LL LOVE ME!... right? :-P

Woohoo!

Don't ask, I dunno why I "Woohoo"ed the title!


First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AUNT CLAUDIA!  I can't wait to see everyone tomorrow!



Now for my post:

I downloaded Adam Lambert's album a few days ago, and OHMYGOODNESSIT'SAMAZING!

It isn't as racey as people might think... it is pure talent and HOLY COW I LOVE IT!  Adam is an amazing performer, I don't care what anyone says!  My favorite song on the album is "Whataya Want From Me."  It's fun to sing along with too.

He's gonna be on Oprah on Tuesday.  I'm not usually an Oprah viewer, but I'm all over that!

Lady Gaga is on the show now... what is up with her wardrobe and hair styles?  She is a BEAUTIFUL woman!  Why does she have to go and mess it up!  haha  Lady Gaga is another VERY talented performer.  Her vocal skills are just amazing.  She wants to be different, I suppose...




A lady from my church choir left for Haiti this morning.  She is a part of a medical team that are going to help the people in Haiti.  Keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Also, the Red Cross has a thing going where you can send a text message with the word "Haiti" to 90999 and donate $10 to the haiti relief effort.  The $10 will show up on your next cell phone bill.  According to CNN, millions of dollars have already been donated.  I donated a few minutes ago, you should too!!!




I've been running around, today, trying to get stuff done...  I'm so tired now!  I'm gonna be useless for the rest of the afternoon (jk).  I do think I'll go to bed early tonight.

American Idol

Ok, so I'm not one of those people who LOVES American Idol, but I want ya'll to keep an eye on Mallorie Haley.  I think she could make it very far.  I would even say she could be this season's winner.  She has a fabulous voice!  So as of now, I'm going to go out on a limb and call myself a Mallorie Haley fan!

Letter

This is a letter from my church minister's wife, who survived the earthquake in Haiti.  I just wanted to share it.

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/breaking/story/1177205.html

This lady is a really nice person and I'm so glad she's ok!  I had a long conversation with her last Wednesday, at the retirement party I mentioned in an earlier post, only I didn't know who she was at the time.  I just saw her picture in the article, and my jaw dropped!  Again, I'm SO GLAD she's ok!


I'm also in the process of getting a new layout for my blog.  I'm going to get this done as soon as possible.  Blog entries will be visible, but the sidebar will be under construction.

First time for everything!

I got my job applications turned in today.  Here's hoping at least one of them pans out!


As for the title of this entry - this weekend, for the first time, I'm going to be driving to Chester, by myself, to see Trav's cousins (E and P) and their new baby!  I've been to his Aunt's house a few times, and I think I know how to get there, so I'm not worried about that.  I'm actually not too worried about being alone with him cousins, but my stomach seems to be nervous haha.

I'm really excited to see the little one, though!  She is about a month and a half old, and SO CUTE!  E and P are a couple of states away, so when I saw E's facebook status, saying they were preparing to drive to SC, I jumped at the opportunity!  heehee  I'm going on Saturday, which will also be the day after Trav's Aunt's birthday, so I'm gonna try and pick something up for her.

I guess I'm mixed...  excited/nervous... though I know I have no reason to be!  I love his family, and I think they like me too... ok, I'm more excited than anything else :)



I took my grandmother's ring to have it re-sized today.  It had to be sized up 4 sizes to fit my ring finger!  I'm also having my 21st birthday ring sized up to fit my left hand ring finger, which is at least one size larger than my right hand (I have had knuckle issues since late 2002).  I miss my birthday ring already, but I'm excited to be able to wear Nonnie's ring on the proper finger.  It's gonna cost me a pretty penny, which isn't cool, but I can afford it.

Ok, that's all I have for now.  Night night!

Relief and Sadness

My heart is breaking for those affected by the earthquake in Haiti.  I can't even begin to imagine the kind of hell the people are going through.  However, I have also got a sense of relief.  A group of people from my church were set to travel to Haiti tomorrow morning (Wednesday morning) on a mission trip, but now are not.

The reasons they have come to this decision is because, "We thought it best to let those resources of food, lodging and transportation best be used for aid workers. Please continue to pray for all in Haiti."  (taken from a friend's facebook status).

I hate it that this horrible disaster has occured.  I can't even begin to imagine how the families of the deceased or missing people must feel.  It makes me want to take a step back and really count my blessings...

I feel helpless, though.  I wish I could do something to help the victims.  For now, though, I will offer up my prayers for those in Haiti.

How did this happen???

I was talking to a friend, earlier this morning, and I realized something:  I have found joy in my life.  HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???  Eight months ago, I was burying my Dad.  Eight months ago, I was trying to wrap my head around living a life without the "s" in "parents."  I was numb.  I was devestated.  My life turned upside-down.  I honestly didn't know how I would ever get through it...

I'm going to see if I can figure this out...  I think it has to do with a promise I made to Daddy, hours before he actually died.  I told him I would finish school and make him proud.  Well, I'm pretty sure he's proud of me now.  I'm getting out and finding a job, singing again, and I've grown as a person.  I am taking on more responsabilities at home, as well as an interest in my own finances.  I WANT to learn how to become financially independant.  I relied on Dad to pay my bills all my life (and yeah, I'm embarrassed to say that it took me 26 years to get to this point), but I want to make life a little easier on mom, plus, well, I need to learn!

I mean, the last eight months were a total rollercoaster.  I grieved like crazy in the months after his death, and I had friends to help get me through it.  I also had the fortune of being loved by the kindest most wonderful man ever!  Travis has been my rock.  He's helped me redifine my self confidence, and my heart has never been fuller.

Yeah, I know I have two nice-sized holes in my heart, one for Daddy and one for Nonnie, but the rest of it is bursting.

Maybe it was singing.  I definately think the singing has a huge role in this overwhelming positivity that I'm feeling.  When I talk about it to anyone, I get a large smile on my face, my heart flutters, and an energy surges through me :)  Well, it isn't just the singing that gets me animated (thanks a lot "esurance" commercials), it's everything about the church that makes me happy.  I can walk in the doors and immediately see people I know.  On occasion, I get tackled by munchkins, which has the power to turn a bad day around!  Most of the families I babysit for are from my church...


So I figured out what has brought joy into my life...  My boyfriend, my mom, my friends, singing, my church family, and children

Ok, church is what has made me happy again.  I guess I know how it happened :)

New Self Discoveries

I keep finding out new things about myself that I never knew!  For example, while at choir rehearsal on Thursday, we sang some songs that I had never seen before.  The director had us sing through the songs once, during which I stumbled along, then we'd sing it again.  My discovery is that if I stumble through a song the first time, I nail it the second time.  I may not know the words, but I can hit the notes almost perfectly.  I do have parts that may need work, but mostly, I can give a good performance.


I made a really fantastic discovery today, as well.  After church, I babysat for 10 children.  (Originally, there were supposed to be five, but hey, the more the scarier... uh... I mean, merrier!... JUST KIDDING!).  I felt a bit overwhelmed at first, but remembered that I took care of nine children, one Sunday night, so I remembered how I handled that situation (extreme panic at first), and channelled the minor "tricks" that got me through it.  The big thing was keeping a head count at frequent incriments.  Four sets of parents were trusting ME to care for their children and keep them safe, that is a huge honor for me, and I will do everything I can not to let them down.  Keeping a level head is key!

My discovery was learning that I can stay calm under pressure.  Throughout the afternoon, the kids and I all moved between two rooms (one big one, one smaller one, accross the hall from each other, at the church), and as I was coming back into the big room, I heard two voices arguing over why someone threw a stuffed dog into the face of another.  My first task was to figured out who hit who and why.  I looked around at everyone and found one of the older girls (10, I think) had been hit in the face by her brother's stuffed dog (he's 7, I think). 

I figured this was a great time to practice my "child guiding" in a room with a bunch of kids.  I had each one tell their side of the story (she was chasing him and he didn't want her to, so the threw the doll in her face, hitting her open eyes in the process).  Quick background here:  these two kids are also in my Sunday night childcare thing.  So I asked the little boy, "you're usually in the room with me on Sunday nights.  What is my biggest rule when you're there?"  His response, "don't throw blocks?"  Me, "Don't throw ANYTHING!"  I told him if he couldn't play with the stuffed animal responsibly, then I would have to take it until his parents came to pick him up.  I had him apologize to his sister PROPERLY, before letting him continue playing.

I preceeded to comfort the girl and told her to get some water, and when she came back, I check to make sure she was ok.  She sat beside me until she felt better, then she rejoined the games :)


I also got another wonderful compliment today, from a 4andahalf year old girl.  She was half asleep in my lap when she looked up at me and asked if I ever babysat for any of the kids there, and I told her who all I sat for, and her response was, "what about me?"  It made me feel good inside :)  I told her that I would love to sit for her!  When her mom came to pick her up, even before the girl said anything to her, she asked if I babysat.  Just like that, I had my name out to someone else!  The little girl got excited and said, "You're so nice!" to me.

Everytime a child tells me I'm nice, it makes me happy :)  It makes me love childcare even more!

Thoughts on my Faith

I wouldn't consider myself "religious". I think I'm more spiritual... for a few years after I graduated High School (I graduated in 2002), I began to question my standing as a Christian.

Ok, listen to what I have to say here... it gets better, I promise!

I stopped going to church when I went to college. As I drifted away from the congregation, I felt myself drifting away from God. When I came home from college, the first time (Daddy had just had five bypasses two weeks before the start of my freshman year, and it took a toll on my grades, so I came home to be with my parents and grandmother to help Mom take care of both), I really began to question my actual belief in God. After a lot of thinking, I came to my own conclusion about myself: I believe in God, but I feel like it's more of a personal thing. At the time, I felt like going to church was impersonal. I didn't like reading prayers off of a piece of paper because I just didn't feel it.



That belief kept me away from church for the last seven years. Then, on May 6, 2009, my Daddy died. We had his funeral at my church, the one I grew up in, and it felt good to be back there.


I still didn't go to any church services, though, but I ended up getting a job there, providing child care for the volunteers who work with the youth group on Sunday nights... it forced me to go back, when I was so afraid it would be a horrible reminder of my Dad's funeral and burial (he's buried in the Columbarium at my church). That was Step one for me, but I didn't know it, at the time.



A few months later, my grandmother died, on September 11, 2009. Before her funeral, held the Saturday after Thanksgiving (she was cremated), my mom went to the church to ask a lady for a recording of The Lord's Prayer that she sang at Dad's service.


Ok, background info here: Not only did I grow up in this church, but I also learned how to sing and was very involved with the choirs there, but the last time I sang in the choir was about 4 or 5 years ago.


Ok, so mom was asking the lady for her singing of The Lord's Prayer, and the new Choir Director walked up to say hello to my mom. At this point, the lady told the director, "we NEED to get Jessica back in choir. She would be a wonderful addition!"


The director asked what part I was (Soprano) and as the lady went on about my singing talent, my mom interjected the fact that I feel my voice is great for a choir, but not as a soloist, to which the lady debunked that. She said I just needed more confidence in myself, that I had great talent! (flattering, but I still don't think I'm that good).


Mom gave the lady and the director my cell phone number... I had three calls the next day from them both, asking me to come back... (This was about 2 months ago, before Nonnie's funeral). Needless to say, I rejoined. I did it because a) I LOVE to sing and b) it has FORCED me to return to church.


It's taken me some time to get back into the groove of it, but I'm finding joy in my life again. I had forgotten just how much I LOVE singing... ESPECIALLY SOPRANO! Ohmygosh, when I hit those high notes and start flying around above the staff, it's just AMAZING!!! It's my therapy.


My first service back was Christmas Eve. I couldn't sing during the procession because I was getting choked up... Daddy loved it when I sang, and I know how proud he would be of me going back to one of my passions.


On top of returning to choir, my church has begun a new Sunday School class for 20-somethings... which I am going to attend this Sunday. On top of that, Travis (my love) is going with me. He and I are getting ourselves bcak into the church together!

So, let's recap here:

-I got a job at church, which forced me to face my fear of going to the place of my Dad's funeral.
-I rejoined the Choir, which forced me to go back to church services.
-Choir has led to me joining a new Sunday School class.


My first regular service was this past Sunday, and no one knew I had rejoined choir. So Wednesday morning, when I went to a reception for a wonderful lady who has retired, I was surprised at how many people came up to me and commented about how happy they were to see me in choir again. Not just surprised, but humbled by the tide of compliments, comments, and words of support that I got. Everyone knew Dad had died in May, and they gave me so much comfort.


I am also looking for a job at my church's weekday preschool, but they aren't hiring until April. At the lady's reception on Wednesday, I had three people (including the lady) come up to me and offer me a temp job, taking over the lady's position! I ALSO got my name to the assistant director of the childcare center (who watched me grow up at that church) who gets calls for parents looking for Nannies! (My dream job is to be a Nanny).


I now have three seperate opportunities of employment at the church I grew up in and love more than any other place!



I think my point, here, is that returning to my church is the best thing I have ever done for myself! I had really forgotten how much love people have for me there. The church has over 2,000 people as actual members, yet the minister always has a hug and words of comfort for me. The associate minister is like a second father to me. He was there during all of Dad's illness and Nonnie's, he was in the room with us when Dad passed away, and he comes to visit us at home about once every two weeks to give us communion and counsel.


My life has turned around, for the better, since I went back to church... my only issue with all of this is, WHY DIDN'T I GO BACK SOONER??????? It's like God sent the Sunday night job to me to help me step back into my church and closer to Him. I mean, I still feel like the services aren't personal for me, but I'm learning to MAKE IT personal. All I know is that when I'm there, my happiness is through the roof!



That was really long! I just felt the need to talk about my experience in rediscovering my faith.

Here's one for Emmers!

This is for my penguin-loving Emmers!




I don't have much to say right now, I just wanted to post that pic :)

COLD HOUSE!

That cat has the right idea!

If you can't read the writing, it says:

"You know,
if you would just turn up the heat,
I wouldn't have to resort to this.
Now set me on low, it's nap time."


For the last month, our house has been so cold!  Ok, well, only the top floor.  I haven't slept in my room in two nights.  It's not that I can't sleep in there, it's just the whole "getting-out-of-bed-when-it's-60-degrees" thing.  The main floor and basement are very warm, and Travis is being sweet to sleep in my room so that I can stay in Nonnie's room, which is actually the warmest room in the house!  It's weird bc heat is supposed to rise, but our basement is the warmest floor!  What's weird is our heater units are only two years old!

The heat guy is here, trying to figure it out.  We had someone else come take a look last week, and he said that our ac/heat units were installed wrong... this isn't fun at all!



I'm having a time filling out job applications.  The questions and experience sections aren't difficult, but when I got to enter my educational background, I get stumped.  This is because of how sporadic my education has been over the last seven years.  I can't even remember the exact timeline of when I was at App and when I was at home.  I'm going to try and write out a timeline that will make it a little easier for me.

I really REALLY hope I can work at my church.  I know everyone there and I know my way around... I think I'll have a good shot, but I'm not going to hold my breath.  I am still going to send in a bunch of applications.  I do think I have made a decision about what kind of center I want to work at...  I'd love to work at a church-based center.  I'm not going to turn down any offers I get from any other centers, in fact, I would be happy to work anywhere, but I'd love to be at a church CDC.

Ok, back to filling out applications!

This made me feel good!

While I was out job-hunting (which turned out very well), I recieved an e-mail from a lady at my church.  It just made me smile.  Here is the e-mail:

Dear Jessica;



Just so glad to see you in chior yesterday and hope you will continue sharing your talent with PUMC Choir. Good to have you over the holidays and we hope you feel welcome and if you have any questions will feel free to ask.Happy New Year WIshes !


Sincerely,
C.B. (initials are for her privacy)
PUMC CHOIR
 
 
It isn't much, but it made me smile.  I think this lady is also a Soprano.  We sang some songs that had a few nice high notes, and for some reason, I feel like my voice is clear when I hit them.  My whole body gets into the music and the feeling is just incredible!  I said it earlier, but I really had forgotten how much I loved singing.  I'm getting better at recognizing the tempo and beats of each note.  I usually tap my foot to make sure I have the right rhythm.  Did I mention I LOVE singing soprano???  It's FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I did tear up again when we processed in, but that came and went quickly.  I think as I continue to sing at services, the wave of emotion I feel about Daddy will subside.  I just know he's up in heaven, smiling at me for returning to another passion of mine.  I grew up singing in this church.  I LEARNED how to sing there... and I plan of singing for a long time :)

Here I go again!

Time to begin fulfilling Resolution #1!  I'm getting ready to head out to go different child care centers to get job applications!  I plan on taking a couple of hours to go to a few key places and this afternoon I will fill out the apps and send them in.  I am getting over my anxiety by practicing different scenarios with my Mama Bear, like how to handle things if a center says they aren't hiring ("can I be placed on a waiting list or substitute list?"), which is what the basis of my anxiety, for the most part.

I'm also going to pop over to Kinkos to make copies of my resume on the proper paper, in case someone wants to see it.

Thank you to those who have responded to me asking for help!  (Ashley), the advice has really eased my mind a bit.

So, like I always say when I'm about to take on a big task, "here goes everything, and here goes nothing!"

2010

Thank God 2009 is OVER!  I'm ready for a good year.

Last night was just a time for chillin.  Travis had to work, but got home about 20 mins before midnight, so I was able to kiss my sweetie at midnight!

I went over to Emily and Jan's for dinner tonight.  There were seven of us and we had pork chops, spinach (since she didn't have collards), and black eyed peas.  I've never liked black eyed peas or spinach, but I ate a good bit (since it's a New Year's Day tradition).  I felt so bad because mom ate dinner alone, and I originally had planned to stay home and eat with her, but she actually got upset when I told her I had declined the invite to Emily's, so I decided I'd go haha.

I am hoping that in the year 2010 will bring me a job!  I also plan to quit smoking as soon as I get the stress off.  I'm singing with the choir, and (as you already know) I want my voice to be at its best.  I'd also like to lose some more weight (I lost 25 pounds in 2009), which will be helped by the new workout thing I got for my Wii for Christmas.  I want to branch out more and meet/go out with more people.  I'm already doing more socializing and am becoming friends with people I knew as a child, but lost touch with until recently.

I'm going to love my life and cherish every second I have with my family, Travis, and his family.  I am a very lucky girl, and even though 2009 saw the death of my Daddy and Grandmother, I'm finding the positive in it all and will push forward with motivation and confidence (even though I'm not the most confident person in the world).  Travis is helping me boost my self-esteem, which makes me very happy.

Here's to a better year!