Where I'm From

I've been trying to figure out a way to blog about this, but couldn't come up with any "codes" so that only a few people would understand... so I'm just gonna post.

The other day, mom found a letter that was sent to her in 2002. It was from her case worker, and it contained information about my birth mother. I found out that I was born at 11:35pm on November 12, and that I look like her. She has brown hair/eyes, thick-ish hair (mine is thick), and was active in choirs. She loved music and singing, just like I do. I also read a few of the health-related questions and decided I must have inhereted (sp) some of my "stuff" from her. I also read that she had a hysterectomy (sp?) a couple of years after I was born, so I am the only child she has ever had... there go my chances at maternal siblings haha

The big thing I saw was that she said she was interested in future contact with the child... meaning she would like to meet me one day! I had a very long talk with my mom about this, and we decided to begin persuing this in a couple of years. We both know now isn't the time, so hopefully things will calm down in a few years so I can meet my biological mother.

I'm so glad my mom is supportive of my desire to meet my birth mom. Mama lost her Daddy when she was 10 months old, so she understands how I feel in wanting to meet my Bmom.

I lucked out when I got this life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything... I would just like to know more about where I come from...

Love my Ladies!

I had dinner with my best girls on Monday night. We talked for over an hour and a half! It was so good to be with them again :) I mean, I see Emmers all the time, but with it being summer, Courtney is off work and travels a lot... so to have her there, as well, was awesome!

I did find out from my Emmers that our beloved Taco Bell is being rebuilt! There was a Taco Bell at this shopping center near my house that we would go to all the time, and last year, or the year before, it burned down... well IT'S BEING REBUILT! TACO RUNS WILL BE BACK IN PLAY! haha I remember many nights when we would make Taco Bell runs at midnight... ahh... I miss those simpler times lol

I got the teddy bear that is being sent around to all my butterfly girls... I actually got her last week, but never mentioned it bc I kept forgetting to haha. Now I have her in my arms, giving her a big squeeze. She came to me from another butterfly girl who lives overseas! I will give the bear a bunch of hugs and lots of love before sending her to the next lady :) I'm so happy to have her though!!!

Travis is at work today, I think he's at Clemson. Who knows! I'm so excited though... the Rascal Flatts concert is Saturday! AND MY SWEETIE IS GOING WITH ME! Yep, I'm going to a RF concert AGAIN... this is CONCERT NUMBER SIX! I'm way WAY excited!

speaking of excited, WE HAVE HAD AWESOME STORMS HERE THE LAST FEW DAYS!!! Last night was the best, though! Lots of lightning and LOUD thunber-booms! It was a severe storm that turned 7:00pm into 9:00, bc of how dark it got... yeah, Travis laughed at me heehee

Ok, that's it for now... nothing new with Nonnie, but I'll update when I know something new

OH! Keep my cousin, Bob, in your prayers.... he's having surgery today to clear out one of the vains in his neck. He was nervous about it, but I think he'll be ok.

Random Quotes

I just wanted to share a couple of quotes I really like that pertain to my life:

"Being angry at someone doesn't hurt the person you're angry at - it hurts you"
- my Daddy


"Life is partly what we make it, and partly made by the friends we choose"
- one of my butterfly girls


I am so lucky to have the friends I have. I know I don't have very many close friends, but the ones I do have love me unconditionally, and for them, I am eternally greatful.

Date Night

I love date night with my Travis! Last night we went to see Harry Potter. It was pretty good, though long. It was nice to get out of the house and get my mind off of things for a while. It's always fun to go out and do something with my man... I'm so lucky :)

I'm FINALLY having dinner with my best girls tomorrow night! (Monday night)... It's funny bc we have to actually PENCIL EACH OTHER IN just to hang out! I mean, if Courtney and Emily are in town, I'm in Arkansas... if Emmers and I are in town, Courtney isn't, and when Court and I are in town, Emily isn't... WE ARE FINALLY IN CHARLOTTE AT THE SAME TIME! haha... I just think it's really amusing...

It's looking like mom may not have to go back to Arkansas just yet. Nonnie isn't acting like the devil (and those of you who I talked to the last time I was in AR know that the "devil" she usually is was NOTHING compared to how she was last time) which is a good thing... at least the nurses at the hospital out there know Nonnie and "like" her lol

In other news, my uncle Bob is having to have major surgery this week/next. I think he has to have one of the arterys (sp) in his neck cleared out on Tuesday, and then open heart surgery the following Monday. He has 9 full blockages in his heart, so bypasses are in order. Keep him and my cousin Sue in your thoughts. This is a difficult time for them, and they can use all the prayers we can give them.

Continue to pray for Nonnie and for my mom. This is all very hard on her, and though she tells me not to worry about her, I still do.

Nonnie... again

She's back in the hospital. This is the third time in two months. And yes, she's still in Arkansas. Mom is gearing up to head back out if she has to... she doesn't want me to go this time, but I may, just to be there for her... though it's up to her.

Nonnie is having a blood transfusion, and is refusing to go back into the rehabilitation facility again. So mom and I will just have to put the fear of God in her... if she doesn't go back to The Maples, she will be put in a nursing home in Charlotte. We can NOT take care of her in this condition... so it's all up to Nonnie.

Mom and I just don't have another 1,000 mile trip in us... two trips in a month and a half is a bit much, but we'll just have to see. We're getting a lot of work done so we can be ready if the time comes.

That's my update. Keep us in your prayers.

Finally

Finally got Nonnie into the rehab center. The last week has been hell. She's still in a foul mood (worse than normal), but she isn't as bad as she was when Mom and I got here (I swear, she needed an exorcist!). I don't know if she'll ever make it back to Charlotte. She's not even trying to get better. Mom is at her wit's end, and I'm worrying about her.

We're leaving to head home tomorrow, I think, with a stop in NE Arkansas to visit some other family. We'll be home by sunday. I'll be glad when this is all over.

I miss my daddy. I just miss him so damn much. Nonnie being back in the hospital has brought back the memories of him in his final minutes... It hurts.

well, nonnie is all kinds of messed up. she cussed me out and took a swing at me about an hour after mom and I drove in. Yes, we're in arkansas again. blah.

Nonnie

The last time I posted, Mom and I were gearing up to meet my uncle in Nashville and bring Nonnie home. Well, as she and I were getting ready to leave, that Friday morning, Chuck called and told us Nonnie had been taken to the ER. As soon as we heard this, Mom and I began packing for a week or more. Travis suggested that he go with us so we could leave that evening, when he got off work, and drive through the night to get to Nonnie... and that's what we did.

We left Charlotte at about 6:30pm CST and arrived at the hospital in Fayettville (sp) at 9:30am the following morning... yes, we were exhausted.

To make a long story short, Travis got to meet my family, who all ADORED HIM! So, that wish was granted... but that's the only real good that came from the trip. When we got there, we were told that Nonnie was bleeding from somewhere, internally, and as a result of her not walking around or eating, she had the largest bruise I had ever seen down her backside. It turns out that Chuck had been staying in a different apartment than Nonnie... LEAVING HER BY HERSELF! I was livid, at first, until mom told me what Dad used to tell her: "Being angry doesn't hurt the other person, it hurts yourself" so I calmed it down to being displeased with him.

So the docs ran tests and the problem is this: Nonnie has a leaking heart valve as well as Pulminary Adema (sp??) - which means only half of her heart is pumping. The docs wanted to get her stable enough so she could make the trip back to Charlotte, but Nonnie refused to walk on the day she was to be released, so the docs kept her in the hospital.

We then decided to put her in a rehbilitation facility in Arkansas, to help her walk better, bc mom and I just can NOT handle her unless she can walk. Nonnie was mad. Mom and I think she thought we would bring her home no matter what, so she definately got a surprise when we all left to come home.

As far as I know, Nonnie is doing better. She's walking more and her balance is good. We may be able to bring her home in less than a month!

Though there are still some issues that may require her to be readmitted to the hospital, and if that happens, mom will drive out there again... and I'm thinking I may go with her. I'll be sure to keep ya'll posted though.

Ok, I'm at Trav's house helping clean his house, since he hasn't been here in forever! I'm getting back to it :)

Off to TN

Mom and I are driving out to Nashville tomorrow to pick up Nonnie. She isn't doing well and wants to come home. Chuck is meeting us halfway. We'll only be gone overnight. I was really upset bc Travis was going to meet my family when we went out on July 1st, and I thought he wouldn't be able to now, but mom is going to let us (me and Trav) go out then. It'll be just me and him :) ROAD TRIP!!! I'm back to being way excited! We can go where we want to and stay as long as we'd like (within ten days, of course)... TRAVIS GETS TO MEET MY COUSINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're going to plan out specifics tonight, and I'm going to call my family members and see if it would be ok for us to come visit. It'll be for the 4th of july, so I'm guessing most of my family will come home to Osceola, AR, which means less travel time for us. OMG I'M SO BEYOND EXCITED!!!!!!!

These dogs are crazy!

I love my dog, Willie. I love Trav's dog, Sasha... but Sasha is so much more laid back than my little boy-dog! Woo is ALWAYS uptight! He barks almost non-stop about everything, while Sasha just sits and chills out... unless someone plays the harmonica, then Sash is barking and howling along (really funny, actually... we found out this talent on Saturday when we visited Trav's Mom).

Damn... Willie is so annoying!!! Gotta go take him out...

It's been a while

It's been a while since I've posted here. I've been taking some time for myself, and I think I'm ready to get back to it.

I went to the beach for a few days with my mama, and that helped a little, though mom left to come home and after only one day by myself, I decided I needed to be around people. I keep having random episodes of sadness... which is to be expected. I can't believe Daddy has been gone almost a month and a half...

We have received two insurance checks, which will help some. It isn't a lot of money, but it's enough to keep us afloat.

I'm filling out applications to get a job... can you believe it??? Me... GETTING A JOB?!?!?! haha, oh well... I'm just hoping for a part time thing to start bringing in some money of my own.

Travis is still staying with us, and has been my lifeline. He's also the other reason I came home from the beach early... he kept saying he missed me and I definately missed him. He was supposed to join me at the house, but had to work, so I came home.

I don't really have much else to say. The court date that was set for tomorrow (Tuesday, June 16) has been moved to June 30. This is the hearing to sort out the fact that we only have a copy of Dad's Will.... that's right, we STILL CAN'T FIND IT! blah...

Ok, I'm gonna try and go to sleep... after I give Travis a back rub bc he's sore from work (but he won't admit that to anyone else, except me... so let's keep this quiet!) Goodnight!

UP

Travis and I went to see "UP" last night! It was so funny :) We definately laughed and are glad we saw it.

Today, he is going to help us plant some of the flowers we received from family and friends, as well as go through some old paint cans we found last weekend, so we can get them to the dump.

Mom is going to the beach tomorrow. I'm gonna go down on Wednesday and bring Travis.

I've lost a great deal of weight! I'm down about 10 pounds and can wear more of my jeans now! I think part of it is that I've cut my meal portions in half. Yeah, I get hungry, and when that happens, I either drink some milk or have a banana or something. I've also started walking/running more (and those of you who know me know that I'm not a runner, like I was in Hish School). My workout pants, however, are falling off of me... it's funny, I have to hold them up with one hand while I jog!

I had my monthly dinner with Emily and Courtney on Tuesday night. I always love it when we go out to eat :) My girls are my lifeline (besides Travis, of course) and I would be miserable without them!!! (and that includes you, too Miss Kendal! :) )

Ok, I'm off to get some stuff done. :)

saw Daddy

I went to the church, this afternoon, to preview Dad's plaque. While I was there, I deccided to walk down to the columnbarium (sp?) to see dad. It was weird... I've never talked to a wall before, but it did feel good to talk to him.

I know, I know, that isn't Dad, it's just his cremated body, but I take comfort in having something to talk to... it made me sad, but I have decided to make it a weekly occurance. I just talked to the wall, telling him about what's been going on, and how we still can't find his will or obituary or funeral arangements. I kissed my hand and placed it on his niche, so I gave him a kiss.

In other news: I need prayers for Trav's grandmother. She is 94 and in extremely poor health. Trav and I are gonna go down to visit sometime this week, bc we don't think she has too much longer :(

Well, that's all for now

blah

I'm struggling. I mean, I'm trying to get through each day, but it seems like the tears are beginning to come more often.

Travis is still staying here most days, and yeah, he's amazing. He just wants to see me smile, and will do almost anything to achieve that.

We saw Glenda yesterday (Daddy's sister). She's doing really well. I was surprised. Just like mom and I, she still can't believe he's gone, but said it will take time... which was a wonderful thing to hear her say.

We've been cleaning out the garage and took some stuff to the dump today. We plan on donating some of Dad's clothes to a crisis center for those who need them, but can't afford them.


I don't really have much else to say. I'm still going through the motions, though I'd rather be curled up in bed... *sigh* Sleep isn't coming easy either... It'll take some time, I know.

Our day, today

By "today" I mean May 18... I know it's after 3:30am, but it's a sleepless night for me, so far... blah...

I'm doing ok. I break down every now and then. Comes with the territory, I suppose... it'll happen, and I don't like this, but dammit, I miss my Dad so much! I just can't believe he's gone... and mom is making my heart ache for her... she is so sad... she said to me, "I lost my husband and my best friend, and I am so heart broken." I wish I could take her pain away... I wish I could bring Daddy back... He loved her so much, and she still loves him...

Those of you who know me know I'm a sucker for love... I believe in fate and I love LOVE. I just can't imagine how it feels to lose a man you have been with for over 35 years (they were married for almost 35 years, and were together before that, I'm not sure how much longer, but you get the picture). I mean, mom is a WIDOW! Ugh... my heart is hurting, so badly, for her. Yes, I lost my Daddy, and that hurts, but to lose the man you love... your soul mate, the love of your life... God, I just can't even imagine... (and yes, I'm crying now)

Anyway, we can't find Dad's Will... which SUCKS, but we have copies of it, so we're gonna see a judge about it.

I think we're gonna go to the beach house next week... now that tourist season is hitting, I'll have a better chance of getting a wireless connection... I swear, off-season SUCKS bc wifi is almost non-existant!

We got our necklaces today (mom and I) that have sprinkles of dad's ashes in them... it is a good length, bc the charm rests on top of my heart... perfect.

It was still a long day. Mom was sad, and I was sad... but then my Emmers came over and we went for a walk/run (since I'm still a bit overweight, mine was more of a shuffle, lol... though I did end up running about a mile, maybe a LITTLE less). We plan on going again tomorrow through Thursday... then Friday I'll probably go with another friend who is very good at kicking my butt... of course, I'll be sore tomorrow, but I'll be ok.

I think the working out is gonna help my stomach. I didn't call the doctor about it, today, bc mom and I were running around doing a bunch of legal stuff... which is what made today so hard.

Travis came over, again, this evening. I love having him around... he's been so good to us... I just can't believe I have someone like him. He makes me laugh when I don't even want to smile... I just feel so happy with him, but when I do cry over my dad, he's there for me. He isn't a hugging type of consoler (sp), but he'll sit up next to me, or rub my leg, or just stand, quietly, by my side. I think knowing he's there while I sob is a comfort. Of course, when I need a hug, his arms are open (he really has no choice in that matter, heehee)

Ok, I'm gonna try to get some sleep... here's hoping...

Things I love

Here are just a few things I love:

1. Travis
2. My mom
3. My best girls (Courtney, Emmers, and Kendal)
4. Needlepointing
5. My other girls (you know who you ALL are!)
6. Severe Weather
7. Children (especially babies!)
8. HSM (shut up!)
9. Singing
10. Rascal Flatts
11. Firefly/Serenity
12. Shows about natural disasters
13. CSI: NY
14. Grey's Anatomy (BUT CLIFF HANGERS SUCK!)
15. The Twilight saga
16. My cat, Scamper

And here is what I hate:

1. Not having my Daddy here
2. My stomach (not just the size, but it's (lack of) function)
3. My body
4. My skin
5. Not knowing what my future will be like



It's been a rough day. Ups and downs like crazy. My best girls took me out to dinner and then bowling, though the bowling didn't last long (don't ask).

I did get to spend the afternoon with my sweetie, and that was nice :) Plus, dinner was fun... I love my best girls!

Tomorrow, mom, Travis, and I have to look for dad's original Will. We have copies, but we NEED the original... ugh... it's gonna be a long day...