Numb

Mom and I met with our minister today to plan the funeral. It took about 2 hours, and we still aren't finished. We do know that it is going to be light hearted, and a celebration... but I just don't know how I'll handle it.

We went to the funeral home right after. We got to see Daddy one more time before he went to be cremated. He looked so peaceful... and he was so cold. He even had a smirk on his face, which made me and mom laugh. I know, Dad wasn't in that body anymore, but it still stung to see him that way.

We also told his sister, this afternoon. Travis went with us, and he was my strength. Glenda took it better than we expected. Though she thinks and processes things differently than us (due to being mentally handicapped), she still understands what has happened, and is glad that Daddy is walking with the Lord... or as one of dad's friends said, "He's up there selling God some beachfront property" heehee

I can't help but wonder, how will we get on without him? He always made us smile and laugh... he took care of us... he was my Daddy... and now he's gone...Two of our family members arrive tomorrow (Friday) night, and then some more will be here Monday.

I made it through today without crying too much... but then again, mom and I were running errands, and then I was with friends the rest of the day, but now, I'm in my room, alone, and this is the worst time for me. I hate being alone. I know my mom is in the room next to me, and Travis is in my basement, but I need him to hold me as I fall asleep...

No... I need my dad... I want my Daddy...

It's been a long day. Thank you to everyone who came over to see us. It means so much.

We have a long road ahead. Keep us in your thoughts

A Sad Update

At 3:00am EST, mom got a call to come to the hospital. Dad's breathing was shallow, and he wasn't responding to anything or anyone. We got there at 3:30 and at 4, I went to get Travis (bc he's a heavy sleeper and he couldn't hear my calls).

Once mom and I were there, the moment she spoke his name, his eyes opened. He was in and out of consciousness all morning. Mom told him it was almost over, and he said, "Oh no" bc he was worried about how we would be. He then told us he loved us, before slipping back into unconsciousness.

At 8:30, we took him off of his antibiotics and blood pressure medication. We then gave him morphine and waited for our minister to get there.

At 9:30, the minister arrived. We said a final prayer and dad's BiPAP was removed.

At 10:05am, my father passed away. When he passed, he was surrounded by his friends (7 of them) while mom and I held his hand and said, "I love you"

It was a rough morning. Travis held me while I sobbed, and then I held him while he cried. He whispered into my ear, "we will get through this" which brought me so much comfort.

The funeral probably won't be until Tuesday, bc our family is in Arkansas and will be driving out here, plus it is the best time for our church. Daddy will be cremated, which makes Tuesday a realistic day for us.

I'm going to go take a nap in honor of my Daddy, but that man LOVED his naps!

Yeah, we were cracking jokes most of the morning, and continue to crack jokes, bc Daddy was a funny guy who could laugh at himself, even in this situation!

Thank you all for your support. Dad is at peace, and for that, I am very greatful.

Robert Pennington
September 1, 1947 - May 6, 2009
Rest in peace, Daddy
I love you

He's gone

Well. This is it. He will no longer be with us in a matter of hours.

HAPPY DANCE!!!

Mom and I are:
S-O H-A-P-P-Y!

The following is from a conversation I had earlier this evening, I just didn't feel like re-typing it all, but I'll make this easier to understand:

Dad's not out of the woods, but he completely turned around from yesterday
he had no clue how close he was to death
he was wondering why we'd all been crying, so mom told him that he was very sick, and she told him that he had been very close to death.

Yesterday, I put my mini teddy bear by his head that mom gave me a few years ago... it says "hang tough" on it. This is a teddy bear that I keep in my purse at ALL TIMES. When I change out my purses, that teddy bear is the first thing to go in. In fact, Travis almost got slapped when he tried to take it out of my purse when he cleaned it out, one time! It has carried me through many hard times, and I wanted dad to carry it through this hard time. So I gave it to dad, and tonight, he was about to have his sponge bath, and he said, "don't lose that bear! I need that bear!"

I almost cried from happiness, it made me feel so good!


Also, today, we could actually understand some of what he was saying to us!!! The doctors are even going to wean him off of the BiPAP!!!! He's going to "graduate" to a plain old oxygen mask!

Ya'll, he did it AGAIN... he came back from the brink

The moment I knew he was back was when he looked at my hair (in a pony tail) and said, "Jessica, your hair looks terrible!"

I told him, "well you aren't gonna win any beaty pagents anytime soon!" and he came back with, "yeah, but I have an excuse!"

Of course, it wasn't so exact like that. I still have to get close to him, so I can see his mouth when he talks. It's very slow, and still a bit jumbled, but it's there.

I know this may not last long, but I'm holding on to this happiness with every ounce of my soul.

And right now, my soul is ready for bed. It's getting close to midnight, and I've been up since 6:30, after falling asleep around 1:30am... so yes, I'm exhausted!

PLEASE KEEP PRAYING FOR MY FATHER! He isn't out of the woods yet, and he needs these prayers to continue!!!

Non-Mobile update

Dad's heart is beating strong and his blood pressure has gone up. He is still very week, and we have a hard time understanding him when he talks. He was able to go off of the BiPAP (for sleep apnea) for a couple of hours, today, so that was good... he even ate a bit of a milk shake! YAY!

Doctors and nurses are amazed at the turn around... I think this may mean he still has a few more days with us. We still don't think he will make it, but we also don't think he will be gone in the next 24 hours.

His spirit is still amazing... he makes tiny jokes and laughs at himself.

He did, however, ask mom, "Is this the end?" and she said, "I don't know." Then today he said he wished he knew how bad it was, but all I could say in response was, "I know you do."

I'm afraid to say anything, bc I don't want to crush his spirit, but mom did tell him last night that he has fought for a long time, and she knows he's tired, so if he feels like he needs to give up, it's ok. Daddy then told her that he loves her and he loves me more than anything else.

I just came home after being at the hospital since 8am bc of stomach problems... but I'm updating ya'll and then heading back up.

Travis has been with me for over 17 hours, straight. He didn't want me to be by myself, so he stayed over last night. His mom even came to visit us at the hospital today!

We had many guests yesterday, and many today... I really think that the prayers from so many people are WORKING!

I will continue updating with new information as I get them. Thank you all for being so wonderful throughout this whole ordeal.

Dad's heart is beating strong. He's holding on.

Back at the hospital. It's going to be a long day. Pray for my Daddy.

36 hours. That's what the doctors have given my dad.

It doesn't look good. His lungs are shutting down. He's getting oxygen, but has CO2 in his brain. We won't be putting him on a ventilator. This may be it.

Mom just called. Told me to get to the hospital now.

Added a guestbook

I added a guestbook. Please sign it and let me know who all is reading this!

More heart issues

Doctors think dad's heart is weakening and that he's back in a state of heart failure. There is also something wrong with his kidneys. I swear, if his kidneys are failing, he's getting one of mine. My blood type is O+ so I should be compatible right?

Dad has lived with heart failure for 7 years, and he had just come out of it, then the stuff happened with his lungs and now, 6 months later, his heart is weakening. :( Mom isn't panicking, so she told me I could panic when she did :) We're trying to stay positive, but it's hard.

Mom has cried since she got home, though me waiting with a martini for her made her happy.

I have nothing else to say right now... I gotta go clean up after dinner - courtesy of Trav's mom :)

One step forward, one step back

We just got a call that Daddy is being sent back to ICU. He's getting confused again and his BP is going down. That's all I know right now... Mom is a wreck. I'm not surprised though, that dad is back there.

Travis and I just saw Daddy yesterday. He seemed to be in good spirits, but I could tell he was becoming disoriented again. They were about to take him off his antibiotics, and I have a feeling that may be a contributing factor. He couldn't remember what he had for lunch, earlier in the day, and we got there around 4:30, so it had only been a few hours since he ate, though he only had a few bites of what the nurse described as, "some hamburger-looking thing."

Ugh.. my dog is being so ANNOYING! HE WILL NOT SHUT UP! He barks at us when we come in from outside, bc he wants a treat. He barks when we're eating dinner, bc he wants some... I FEED HIM THREE TIMES A DAY! S-H-U-T U-P ALREADY!

On a good note, I went to Trav's mom's house last night for a fish fry (I ate chicken, lol) and it was so much fun! I love how I seem to fit in with them... I don't know if they're just pretending, but I love it. There were mostly his mom's friends and her bf's friends, but Trav's two brothers came and it was fun to just hang out and talk. Mrs. P's friends remembered me from the last fish fry, though I had no clue who they were until a few minutes into dinner. (*side note... It's weird saying Mrs. P, bc that's what everyone called my mom! "Hey Mrs. P!" is what I used to always hear when I was little!... freaky haha).

Anyway, after we ate, some of us sat around a "bondfire," which was actually just a small firepit on the back porch, and told jokes. I laughed so hard that I had tears in my eyes. It was great! It was nice to get my mind off of things, but then I thought about mom, and I wished she had been there. She would have had so much fun. I want to get her out with her girlfriends, but her best friend is acting like she doesn't care, which really hurts ME!

At least my two best girls care enough to call me or text me every other day to find out how dad is (then again, they're probably reading this now... HEY EMILY! HEY COURTNEY! - which keeps them in the loop). I just feel so bad for mom... does anybody have any ideas how I can get her mind off dad? Even if it's for a couple of hours, I just want her to have fun and laugh... sure she'd be coming back home to reality, but for a few hours, I want her to push this whole mess aside and have fun and laugh... I miss her laughter :(

Out of ICU

Dad is out of ICU. He was moved to a regular room about 20 mins ago and called to tell us.

I have a lot on my mind, but I was pressure washing (to get out my frustration) and my right arm isn't working very well... so I'll make another post later.