Interesting

I'm changing the names of those involved in what I'm about to write. Only those involved should know who they are.

A couple of days ago, my friend Suzanne ran into an old friend of ours, Debbie, and Debbie's bf Mark, as they left a store that my friend was entering. Suzanne hadn't seen either one in months, and decided to text Debbie to say hello and let her know one of our fave fast food joints had re-opened after burning down and being rebuilt. Debbie replied by asking why the hell was Suzanne talking to her all of a sudden? In my opinion, that was a bitchy thing to say to Suzanne. Debbie could have been a bit more polite.

I tell you this bc it made me think of a blog entry I read a few days ago about women who choose to be bitches when there is absolutely no reason. It's funny how certain ladies think having a "bitch" label is an accomplishment, when the truth is, it's sad. Why would you WANT to carry that label? Do you get some perverse sense of satisfaction from driving your friends away?

They act like they are SO much better than everyone else and being around them causes one to walk on egg shells and watch what one says for fear of being bitched out over N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

There is a difference between being a bitch and having moments of bitchiness. I have my moments, but for the most part, I enjoy being NICE and LOVING towards others, not condescending and disrespectful.

I just don't understand what the logic is in treating others people rudely instead of with kindness. If a person makes a mistake, like say, asking two seperate people to watch dogs without informing them of the other person's involvement, WHO CARES? If the person apologizes, that SHOULD be enough, but no. Bitchy people will hold an unwarrented grudge while a nice person would make a joke of it and move on.

GET OVER YOURSELF! Being a bitch isn't something to be proud of, it's something to be ashamed of. If you would start treating others with kindness and respect, you might actually get it in return... oooh, what a concept.




Now that I'm off my soapbox...

I went to choir practice tonight for the first time in years, and it was wonderful! Everyone welcomed me with open arms. They thought it was wonderful that I grew up participating in choir at the church. I learned about music there. I took piano and voice lessons there. My church played such a huge role in shaping my musical skills, as well as my character, and the fact that I'm a part of the music program is heartwarming.

The director was so excited to see me there, too, which made me feel even more amazing! It's going to take a few practices before I get back into the swing of things (like reading music), but I took the first step into rebuilding my soul, and that is something I'm very proud of.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I drove by Dad's niche as always, and said to him, "I hope you're happy!" It made me giggle bc Daddy loved it when I sang.

I'm excited to be a part of it again, and I can't wait to get better at it :)

Yay for old friends!

One of my friends that I haven't spoken to in at LEAST a year or so found me on facebook the other day! I was very very happy :) He's one of my dearest guy friends and it was good to hear from him :) We just got off the phone after talking for nearly an hour... well, I did most of the talking, which isn't unusual haha. He didn't know about Daddy, so that's mostly what I talked about. Either way, I'm glad I got to talk to my friend! (Hi Zak!)

Jellyfish Day

This is an e-mail I got from my mom. I thought it was really funny and wanted to share it with everyone!

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.


Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.


Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn.. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!Pass this on to all your friends, just in case they're having a bad day!!!

This made my day!

So, after church this morning, mom went to talk to one of the music associates who sang The Lord's Prayer at Daddy's funeral. This is a lady that I have known for a long time and gave me piano lessons when I was in high school. She also called me up, a few years back, and got me to join the church choir, which I loved doing. I had to quit when I went back to school a few months later.

Anyway, mom was talking to her about getting a CD of her singing the Prayer, and while she talked to the associate, the new choir director came to say hello. Mom introduced herself and that was when the associate said the most amazing thing to mama and the director: She told them they needed to get me back in choir. The director, who has never met me, asked why, to which the associate replied, "she has a beautiful voice and belongs in this choir"!!!!! The director asked what vocal part I was (soprano) and mom told him that the way I describe my voice is I have a great choir voice, but not so much as a soloist. The associate replied, "I think she would be a fantastic soloist if she works at it."

Mom gave them both my cell phone number and told me to be prepared for a bombardment of phone calls this week! The simple fact that the associate brought up my singing and how good she thinks I am just made my whole day brighter! I would love to be in the church choir! Music makes my heart smile, but my only concern is will I be able to read sheet music again? It's been years since I've done that, and I realized, while at church one morning, I couldn't read different types of music notes, like, I couldn't get the beat correct... But I figure if I practice and work with the associate and the director, I could totally get back into the swing of things!

I just had to share this bc it made me feel so damn good!!!

A good Birthday

I had a good birthday! Only one wave of sadness over Daddy not being here, but that was when Travis and I passed the hospital on our way to The Melting Pot (no, we didn't throw up this year... we skipped the chocolate fondue, but got a card for a free one whenever we choose).

Here's a picture from right before we went to dinner:


Trav got me a beautiful bracelet and some summer sausage (which I was actually very excited about), as well as the movie "UP", which made me happy! Mama gave me some earrings and a very sweet card. My new phone that I got in September was my big gift.

I got so many Happy Birthday wishes and they all mean a lot to me. It feels good to know that there are people out there who care. Thank you all!

LOVE MY GIRLS!!!

I had so much fun with my two besties tonight! They took me to Chili's where I drank a BIGASS margarita (can you believe it??? I DRANK!). I'm feelin pretty good right now :) and no, I'm not even tipsy! Just loosened up a bit. I am also having a night cap, courtesy of Travis, which is, of course, a boat drink! (Malibu Rum and pineapple juice)

I am no longer dreading my birthday... BRING IT ON!

Left Out

I was feeling very left out today, but in the end, it's all good. Mom and Travis went shopping for most of the day. Those of you who know me know how easy it is for me to feel left out. They, appearantly, left the house at 11-ish this morning (while I was at work) and got home around 5. Mom was laughing and making jokes with Trav, which only made me feel worse, but then, mom told me it was because they needed to shop for my birthday, which made me feel a little better, and Trav said he'd explain everything on Thursday, after I've gotten my gifts. So I told myself to perk the hell up, and that was that.

I'm going out to dinner with my Emmers and Courtney tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it :) Then Thursday, Travis and I are going to the Melting Pot! I think Mom and I will be celebrating Friday night.

I'm totally milking this, like Daddy did, making comments like, "but, it's my birthday week!" teehee... yeah, we're just dumb like that.

WooHoo!!!

Gabriel Iglesias is coming to Charlotte! WOOHOO! He'll be here March 17th :) I'm working on Travis to get tickets... he did try to bluff his way out by saying, "oh, that's during the basketball tournaments" so I shot back, "he'll be in Raleigh on the 7th!"... his response, "oh, that's women's basketball tournaments"... a few seconds later... "I'll try to find tickets!"

I love my man! You know what I like most? WE'RE IDIOTS! We were just watching Gabriel's newest special on Comedy Central and a few of the jokes were relationship-related and at some points, Trav and I pointed at each other while busting a gut from laughing so hard.

Ok, so ya'll may not find this funny, but only Travis can make me laugh about racing to the bathroom... I had to pee, so at the commercial, I hopped off Nonnie's bed and so did he, and as I walked toward the bathroom, he squated in a defensive pose and I ran past him, but he pulled me back and ran. I yelled, "I HAVE TO PEE!" so he pretended to pull down his pants and said, "THE SINK WILL WORK!"........ I had to squat bc I was afraid I'd wet my pants from laughing so hard.



In other news, my birthday is Thursday. I still don't know how I feel about it. I enjoy my birthday, but at the same time I don't want it. It just doesn't feel like it's my birthday... I'm wondering how the 12th will go. Will I treat it as just another day? Or will I have a good, happy day? I know ya'll probably get sick of it, but I just miss my Daddy. It doesn't feel like these upcoming holidays are real. Mom and I want to get Christmas put up before we go to Arkansas, yet it doesn't seem right. There will be two less stockings hanging by the fireplace...

Something I'm really glad I was able to do with my parents was on our 25th family birthday. December 21st, 2008, Mom, Dad, and I listened to the tape of the day they met me. I was 5 weeks old. Daddy was always a stickler about keeping records of events, so he took a tape recorder to the adoption agency so we would have the info. I had known Mom had the tape, but we'd never listened to it... and we did that day. I had no idea it would be our last family birthday as a family, so the fact that we were able to listen to it was super special.

Don't you love how jumbled my mind is???

Random Thoughts

You know what I love? The fact that my family loves Travis, and that (as far as I know), Trav's family likes me. I hear "horror stories" about mothers who strongly dislike their son's girlfriend/wife. I hear about parents who criticise their child's SO (significant other). I see all of these problems that others have with their in-laws or family of their bf, and I keep wondering HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY???? I love Trav's mom, and I'm pretty sure she likes me, as well. Shoot, she stops by to see me (or mostly my MOM) whenever she's in our area, and I really think she and Mom are becoming friends... granted, they do have a couple of very drastic things in common. (Mrs. Phifer lost her husband about 5 yrs ago in about the same way Mom lost Daddy, plus her mother is in poor health, as Nonnie was before she died.)

I remember one day I had to work while Nonnie was in the hospital, and even though Travis wasn't at the hospital (mom stayed with Nonnie until the end), Mrs. Phifer took the time to drive over and visit with Mom. Mom told me that Mrs. P sat beside Nonnie, stroked her hair, and just spoke sweetly to her, while also giving mom encouragement.

A few weeks after Nonnie's death, mom and I were invited to Trav's cousin's baby shower (if you're reading this, HI ERIN! NOT MUCH LONGER!!!). Travis had to work that day, but I still wanted to go, and so did Mom, so Trav's younger brother and his now-fiance came and picked us up for the shower. I was a little nervous, bc this was the first time I had been to his Aunt's house and around his cousins without Travis being present. But the family greeted me and Mom and we all had fun!

At one point, however, Trav's aunt's dog began to get ill. Her breathing was shallow and she wasn't eating or drinking anything, and even though it was a dog, it still brought back memories of when Daddy passed. As T's cousins prepared to take the dog to a vet, Mrs. Phifer walked over to me, put her arm around me and asked if I was ok. I put my head on her shoulder and had a couple of tears, but that was the extent of it. The simple fact that she could see how sad it made me was very special and made me feel good inside.

I say it often, but I'll say it again... I am a VERY lucky girl. Yeah, I've had a rough go the last few months, and I would give anything to have my dad and grandmother back, but what makes me feel lucky are the people I still have with me. I'm lucky to have an amazing family (can't wait to see ya'll over Thanksgiving... though the circumstances aren't favorable) who have surrounded me and my mom with love this past year, I'm lucky to have Trav's family who also show me nothing but love and kindness, I'm lucky to be able to persue a career that I love so much, I'm especially lucky to have my friends, and I'm lucky to have the greatest man (besides my dad) as my love. Travis is still doing so much for us. He's amazing and I love him with all my heart...

Reading FOOL

I started a book the other day, Hothouse Orchid, and I have finished it already haha. I went to Barnes and Noble to search for another book bc appearantly there were two books in between Iron Orchid (which I listened to on the way back from our second trip to Arkansas over the summer) and Hothouse Orchid, but I couldn't figure out which books they were! I found the Stuart Woods section and, after reading the book summaries, found the two books I missed! So yeah, I bought them and am reading the second book now.

Yesterday was HECTIC as all hell! I had to work my normal 10-1, then I babysat from 3:45 til what was supposed to be 5:30 (I have class Wednesday nights at 6:30)... but the Dad never showed up when he was supposed to! On top of that, the ten month old started screaming at 4:30 and didn't stop until his mom finally got home at, get this, 6:20! My class was at LEAST 20 mins away from their house! I managed to stay calm while the baby was crying, but I began to panic at 6:10 bc no one had shown up. Seriously, I almost started crying from panic. I think I was in the midst of an anxiety attack when the mom finally showed up. I was shaking when I finally got into my car, and I did manage to get to class at 6:35. It was kind of funny bc I'm ALWAYS the first person there, and I was dead LAST last night. I tip-toed in, but everyone still looked at me and asked (almost at the same time), "Where have you been?" I told them what had happened, got two hugs, and went on with class. Needless to say, I was exhausted when I got home.

I love sitting for those kids (there are three of them, the older two are 10 and, I think 7, but the baby takes up more time), and I really hope yesterday's experience doesn't deter them from asking me to sit again... the last thing I need is to NOT babysit... I need the money!

Now that I think about it, I do believe I was having an axiety attack when the mom got home. I told her I had class in 10 mins and that the dad should have been there at 5:30, and she apologized a few times before telling me to get out of there. I was in sheer panic mode. I'm so paranoid about getting places on time, so once that clock hit 6:00, I began to get nervous... ugh...

Ok, I'm done bitching haha

Blah

I'm feeling "blah" today. This morning, I woke up and was in a "screw the world" mood. I know why, but that isn't something worth sharing with anybody but myself.

I gave blood this afternoon. First time in about a year. It wasn't too bad. I'm really tired now, though.

I babysit tonight, so I do plan on taking Mom's Kindle with me to continue reading. I've finished Heat Wave, but don't tell mom that bc I don't want her to know I've started another book on her Kindle haha. She is beginning to think I bought it for myself, which was NOT my intention! I can't stress that enough!!!

I am feeling better, emotionally, though I still have times when I just want to cry. I miss Daddy so much :( This sucks so bad!

All Saints Day

Today was the All Saints Day service at church. Mom, Travis, and I went. It was really difficult bc the service was all in memorium of members who have passed over the last year. We had communion and after, our minister read out the names of those who had died while a candle was lit and a bell rung. Mom and I cried for most of the service, and as the names were being read, Travis grabbed my hand and held on tight, because I had lost it at that point. I couldn't sing the Hymn of Promise bc it made me tear up, which sucked bc I really like that song.

After the service, a few of us went to the Columnbarium (sp) to say a prayer. I cried then, too. The minister walked with us to Dad's niche and was touched to hear that I come by every Sunday evening (on my way to work at the church) to visit Daddy and talk to him.

We discussed Nonnie's upcoming funeral, which will be a Military service! There will be a color guard and an American flag will cover Nonnie's ashes during the service. Mom has almost got the details ironed out, and now we are focusing on packing and preparing for the trip.

We will be out there over Thanksgiving, but will not be celebrating TGiving with our family. Instead, we will be spending it with close friends (the ones who introduced Mom and Dad).

I can't wait to be with my cousins. I'm also glad that Travis will be able to come with us. He is finally going to get to meet Nonnie's only living sister, my Aunt Gene (Auntie) and Uncle Charles. I know this is going to be tough on Auntie, but we will all be there for her.

One slight issue with our trip, however, is the rockslide on I-40 near the NC/TN boarder. We're gonna have to go the southern route, through Atlanta... (Gonna see if I can talk mom and Trav into letting me find Mike Bettes' house, haha). It does mean, however, that we won't have to drive through the mountains, which will make my life a bit easier!

Today was very difficult, but I am very very lucky to have so much love surrounding me. I can't wait to see the rest of my family, though I hate the circumstances :(


On a lighter note... MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP! NOVEMBER 12TH! I'm getting old.........

High Demand!

I love my life and I love working with kids... and I LOVE being in high demand! I'm babysitting like crazy! What I love most, though, is that I'm gaining a reputation as a savior to those in need of last-minute sitters. I will get a call in the morning to sit that night, and I'm, 99% of the time, able to say YES. It's so fun!

I got a text last night to babysit tonight, and of course I said yes. Travis will be out of town, and I have nothing scheduled, so why not? It gives me money, which is nice to have these days!

I love kids and I love babysitting... this rules!

Not a Pig Yet!

I got my H1N1 Vax today! I feel so accomplished! I got my flu shot two weeks ago, and now I have my Swine Flu shot, as well! Mom had a Doc appt on Monday, and for some reason, a nurse was supposed to call me when a shipment of H1N1 vaccines came in for me to have my shot. I don't know what brought it on. Mom told me I'm in a high risk group, so I guess it's good I got it!

Good news for mom, though... because she has lost so much weight, she was able to go off some of her medications! She no longer has to take blood pressure pills, which is awesome, as well as a few other weight-related-issue meds. I'm so proud of her!!!

I'm feeling better, emotions wise. Not so sad anymore. I guess it was just a sad spell that came and went.

That's all for now! :)

Oh, I had to share this... it made me, Trav, and Mama laugh out loud (yeah, I wrote it out)!

Sad

Warning, my thoughts are very jumbled in this post. One sentence may not have much of anything to do with the next.

I don't know why, but I have just been so sad lately. The last few days have been hard. Minus Saturday's Renaissance Festival. I miss my Daddy. I miss him more than words can ever convey. I cried Yesterday and earlier today. I don't know why this has hit me so hard, but it has. I'm debating whether or not to do another grief counselling session... "Trust the Process"... The process of grief... One step forward, two steps back... A few good days, a few bad days... Is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life??? I really really hope not. Damn... Dad really is gone... and he's not coming back... I miss him so damn much :(

Fun!

Travis and I went to the Renaissance Festival yesterday. We had so much fun too! We saw Zilch the Torysteller (he switched around the first letter of different words in sentences to create funnyass stuff!) He told the stories "Jomeo and Ruliet: The Tagic Trail of Two Horing Wouses" (it's "waring houses", but it sounded like "whoring"), "Rindercella and her Stoo Tugly Epsisters", and "Lodigocks and the Bee Threars". Yeah, we're dorks :) Travis kept talking that way after we saw the first Zilch show. It was quite amusing, to say the least.

We also watched the jousting match, which Travis hated. I scolded him for not going along with the show, even if they WERE bad actors! Who cares? It's a recreation of midieval jousting... just a demonstration of how knights fought each other for glory! It's not supposed to be perfect.

We even took a VERY romatic stroll through the dungeon of torture *sigh*. Nothing says, "Romance" like hanging by your thumbs (haha). As we exited the exhibit, there was a device used on women who nagged, talked, or questioned too much. It was a metal mask-looking thing that covered their mouth... Travis just stood there are looked at it, then looked at me, then looked back at it... I said, "Don't even think about it!" It was still amusing.

One show we saw had a children's song in it. It also required audience participation. I was getting into the song (Child Development Classes will do that to a person) while Travis did a half-ass job of it. I told him, "When you work with childre, your inhibitions go right out the window!"

All in all, it was a pretty good day :)

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

I can't tell you how much I miss you. Your death came too soon and it just doesn't seem fair. You weren't afraid of death, and even as you lay dying, you never thought of yourself. I'm so very glad mom and I were able to say, "I love you" and I'm happy that you could squeeze my hand a few times before you finally let go.

I think about all you did for me, Mom, and Nonnie and my heart swells with pride. The love you gave will live forever.

It doesn't feel right, crawling in bed with Mom in the morning, because our family sandwich is incomplete. We have the bun (mom), the meat (me), and the pickle (Willie), but no BUTT! We need the butt! (and since you had a saggy bottom, you were perfect for the job!)

I miss singing random songs and changing words to match the situation. I miss driving to the beach, passing that street post for "Snoopy Drive", and getting into an "argument" over which one of us is a "Snoopy" head (stupid head). I miss our trucker talk (Sweet Kitten misses Mad Dog!). I miss your voice, your words of advice, and your unwaivering selflessness.

A piece of my heart is gone.

Look after Nonnie. I'm sorry she couldn't stay here longer, I know how happy you were to finally be free of her :-P She was hit really hard when you died. I know she's happy now.

I do have comfort knowing that you aren't suffering anymore (who on earth would want to live with a lung drainer like you had to?) I could see how much it hurt and it killed me that I couldn't take away some of your pain. I read a couple of days ago that God only takes the best.

I found the poem, and it applies to you 100%:

God saw you getting tired,
The cure was not to be
He wrapped you in His loving Arms,
And whispered "Come to Me"
You suffered much in silence,
Your spirit did not bend
You faced your pain with courage,
Until the very end
You tried so hard to stay with us
Your fight was not in vain
God took you to His loving Home
And freed you from your pain
A golden heart stopped beating,
Two working hands at rest
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
HE ONLY TAKES THE BEST


I love you Daddy. I will forever miss you.

Jessica