Time to try again!

I'm gonna do my best to keep up a blog. I just have a lot inside me that I want to get out, and I don't write in journals, so why not do a blog.

Daddy had a rough day today. He didn't take his percocet 30 mins before I drained his lung, so he was in a lot of pain afterward. At one point, he was up to about 300 mL of fluid and said he was beginning to feel it, which prompted me to close off the draining tube. He then told me to keep going, and even though my gut told me to stop, I went ahead and opened the line back up. He got to 370 mL before it became unbearable. I actually had to half-carry him to the recliner that our friends gave us, and help him lay back. I covered him up with a good sized blanket and got him some water.

I had to leave for school right after that, and when I got home from my night class, mom told me that dad had been in a huge amount of pain all evening. She also told me he nearly vomited at one point.

I'm so sad that he's going through all of this shit, but I'm amazed at how far he has come.

I've never been one to pray out loud, but lately I have begun to. I usually do it in my car. I turn my CD player off and just start talking to God. I'm not exactly a religious person, so to speak, but I do believe in God and I do believe that one's relationship with Him should be a personal and private thing.

I'm not going to go on about my religious beliefs and thoughts, I just wanted to say that I'm praying more. I try not to pray for myself until last, and I'm usually in tears after I pray for my Dad and Mom.

I've also found myself praying for my grandmother, Travis' grandmother (his mom's mom), Mrs. Phifer and her sisters (Trav's mom and aunts), and my friends.

An amazing thing has happened to me, though! Over the last week, I have felt no desire to take more of my meds. Meaning, I'm prescribed one wellbutrin and one Daytrana patch per day, and that's exactly what I'm taking/wearing. My ADD is slowly getting under my control!!!!! I'm not there yet, but my mind is clearing up, and so is my skin!

Yep, I only have 3 or 4 open sores on me! The last time my skin was completely sore-free was just over two years ago! I know I can do it again, and I will. Oh, but don't expect me to go out on the beach in a bathing suit... I refuse to do that unless my Travis is with me.

I'm amazed at how he loves me. He loves me even with a body covered in scars and some sores. He loves me even though I'm a bit overweight, and even when I have a meltdown... he's always there for me, and he has no idea how much I love him. I look into his eyes and my stomach flips while my heart skips a beat... He's the love of my life, and I don't know what I'd do without him!

I do have a bit more to say, but I'm really tired, so I'm gonna go to bed. I'll post more tomorrow, I hope!